As The Strom Gathers
by lizard1969
Summary: Set after True Love. Joey makes a decision that will alter her life and that of Pacey's forever. One will stay and one will go. But will destiny allow Pacey to return?
1. Chapter 1

Set at the end of "True Love".

**In the True Love**

Pacey had told Joey he was leaving and he had asked her to go with him.

"Just you and me Joey and the open seas. We can go where we want, do what we want away from Capeside and from..." he was cut short.

"From Dawson?" she finished.

"And what's wrong with that? You love me not Dawson no matter what you say to him and what you say to yourself. Cut those strings Joey come with me." Pacey pleaded as he held her.

"Don't you see I can't. If I lose Dawson I lose a family. The only family that I've ever known. I'm not ready to do that," she said apologetically, "maybe when you get back I would've had time to desensitise Dawson to the whole you and me idea..."

Pacey had had enough. He wanted to rant and scream but Joey's eyes started to brim with tears. He didn't want to hurt her anymore.

"OK," was all he could say and then started kissing her,"then give me something to remember on those lonely nights without you."

Joey lifted her doe brown eyes and smiled, kissing him back. Only Pacey could make her feel so complete and alive. Their passion rose and their love was sealed.

Next day at the Leery Wedding

The wedding had been beautiful. She couldn't believe Gail and Mitch were renewing their vows. It was so romantic and a great excuse for a party. But Joey didn't feel like much of a party girl tonight. She smiled and went through her paces. Dawson watched her so intently it was stifling. But no, she had made a decision. Her place was with Dawson. They had been friends forever. They were each other's safe harbour. They were family. It didn't matter that silently her heart was breaking. It didn't matter that she was drowning. It didn't matter that staying with Dawson she was letting go of the only person who truly understood her, challenged her, infuriated her, drove her to despair and back, and completed her. Pacey would eventually forget and forgive, after all he loved her. This was the right decision, she was sure of it. Then why she wondered, were tears silently crying down her cheeks.

"So, you tired?" Dawson queried suspiciously.

Joey was taken by surprise, wiped her tears as she jumped woken out of her trance and timidly looked at Dawson and then quickly looked down, "Yeah, it's been a long day."

They both seemed uneasy.

"Well don't just stand her the two of you, the party has started. Come on let's go dance!" Gail said as she grabbed both their arms and pulled them towards the dance floor. Joey couldn't deny Gail.

As she was being pulled in, she happened to look at the clock. 5pm. He was leaving now and she wasn't. She was staying still and he was moving forward. Her instinct and sixth sense told her to run, to run as fast as her legs could carry her to the pier.

The sun was about to set and Capeside harbour was looking beautiful. The glistening summer hues flickered and danced on the water calling Pacey to start his voyage. He was ready. He packed his last few things. He had asked her to stay but to no avail. Pacey wasn't a quitter but Joey had made it quite clear how she felt. There was no longer any point to this disaster. This trip would be a fresh start for everyone. Hopefully 3 months away would allow things to heal between Dawson and himself and also give his heart time to heal. Standing on True Love Pacey heard footsteps...

"Hey all ready and packed?" Doug asked with an apologetic smile. He understood the anguish Pacey was going through. He knew his brother and sometimes better than he knew himself.

Pacey took a deep breath and smiled, lowering his head in his Pacey way, "Yep...all done. Ready for the seven seas...well not quite."

"Well Mum and Dad wish you a safe trip and Mum said to ring once a week or else she'll send the coast guard after you," Doug relayed with a smirk and continued, "and Pace have you really thought about this? Is this the answer? Running away?"

"Doug we've been through this over and over and over. I am NOT running away. I'm going on a trip that I've worked hard for and I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm thinking of myself and no one else for a change," Pacey said as he stepped off the True Love, "and you big brother stop worrying. I'll be fine and I'll ring. I need to do this."

Pacey looked Doug straight in the eyes and smirked his boyish smile that had won so many hearts, gave his brother a strong hug then a pat and stepped back onto his boat. Doug helped him push off from the pier. He waved and Pacey waved back. He was off. As he looked back he hoped in vain to see Joey running towards him yelling stop! But all he could see was an empty pier. Goodbye Capeside, see you in 3 months!


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n I don't own these characters.**

**I don't know anything about sailing so please forgive any discrepancies. Sorry.**

**Capeside**

It had been 4 weeks since Pacey had left Capeside and things had continued to be the same. The summer was gearing up to be a scorcher. Jack, Andie and Jen had decided to stay in Capeside and have a relaxing summer. Secretly, Jen was really worried about Joey. She was going to make it an effort to be there for her. She had always had a sixth sense for these things.

The gang were all at the beach.

"So the weather's been great," Jack said and turning to Jen, "let's go for a dip Jen...come on!"

Jen raised her eyes from over her sunglasses, "I don't do wet. I'm happy to soak up the rays, take in the boys and read my book."

Frustrated, Jack looked over at Andie, "Please oh sister?" Meanwhile Andie had been perving at some delicious boys near the water's edge, "sure let's go."

"Count me in," Dawson piped up looking at Joey, hoping she too would hit the surf, "Joey?" extending his hand.

"No I'm right. I'll keep Jen company. Wouldn't want her to get accosted by some leering lecherous boy that takes advantage of poor unsuspecting girls," she said with her Joey smirk.

"Yes I need protection. Thanks Joey!" she commented sarcastically.

Uneasily Dawson moved away to catch up with Andie and Jack, with disappointment dripping down his face. Joey had stayed with him this summer. She had made her choice but it just didn't feel right. Physically she was present but emotionally she was sailing the seven seas with Pacey. This angered him and it was slowly driving a wedge between them. Although they loved each other in different ways, the choice she was forced to make was making them resent each other.

"So any news from our sailor friend?" Jen asked without looking at Joey.

Joey gave Jen a disbelieving look, "and how would I know? It's not like I'm on his Christmas mailing list."

"I saw you talking to Doug at the Drug store," Jen continued.

"Oh, yeah Doug was grabbing some groceries and we bumped into each other.." Jen cut Joey off, "and what did he say?"

"A bit of chit chat and then he said that Pacey had cleared New Bedford heading towards Rhode Island and was enjoying the trip. He's had good weather and that's it," Joey finished and quickly glanced at her book.

"You miss him?" Jen said whilst looking with empathy.

"Don't tell Dawson. I'm really trying but I shouldn't have stayed. Pacey is my true love and I betrayed him. I only hope that when he comes back I'll make it up to him," she said whilst looking at Jen.

As if by osmosis, Dawson looked their way and saw a Joey brush a tear from her cheek. He knew they were talking about Pacey. Damn Pacey, damn him to hell! He knew that Joey loved Pacey and he knew she had stayed because of his family and their history. He was her best friend and that was all. Nothing more. He was going to ease off and maybe that could all enjoy the summer.

**6 Weeks Later**

Joey was pacing her room. She had been crying. She picked the phone and rang the only person who could help her,

"Jen?"

"Joey? Is that you?" Jen was still waking. It was 5 am, "what's wrong?"

"Jen I need to talk to you," she said between sobs,"I'm coming over."

She hung up the phone and raced out of her room.

Jen had barely enough time to get out of bed when she heard a rapping at the back door. She scurried down the stairs and found Grams welcoming Joey,"Oh Joey my dear what's wrong? Come in come in," she gestured with her hand. Grams had always been an early riser.

Jen saw that Joey couldn't answer and took over, putting her arm around Joey she said,"It's ok Grams. I've got it covered."

Grams understood and said that she'd bring them up some hot tea. Jen nodded with a smile and thanked the Lord she didn't believe in, for her wonderful Grandmother.

Slowly Jen and Joey walked up to her bedroom. Joey sat down and raised her tear stricken face towards Jen,"It's all ruined. My plans, my future...it's all just a mess, Jen. The person I need the most right now isn't here and I don't know what to do."

Jen assumed she was talking about Pacey,"What's happened Joey?"

Joey stared at her,"I'm late, I took a test and I'm expecting."

That was unexpected. Jen looked at her disbelieving, "What, are you sure?"

"Yes," said Joey sacastically. She knew what Jen was going to ask her next,"and it's Pacey's. We spent the night together before he left. Dawson doesn't know. Jen what do I do?"

Jen always had the right words and the right advice, but this time she was at a loss. The news had taken her by surprise. She didn't see this one coming at all. Joey pregnant. Joey who planned everything to the last detail. All she could do was wrap her arms around her and hold her.

She needed help and downstairs they went.

"Good morning girls..tea is ready and pancakes. Are you hungry Joey?" Grams said with loving affection. She knew something was amiss. The girls were here to ask her help, she sensed that it was just a matter of time.

"Grams...we've got a problem and it's something that needs to remain confidential," Jen pleaded. Meanwhile Joey didn't say a word. Grams eyes shifted from Jen to Joey and back to Jen.

"Jen you know my word is true. Tell me what's bothering Joey?" she said. The girls lifted their heads in unison and in disbelief. How did she know?

She walked around to Joey placing her arm around her," Sweetheart tell me what's wrong and I'm sure we can solve the problem."

Grams was told and she didn't judge but a wave of sympathy and compassion emanated from the old dear lady.

"You need to work out what you what Joey. You're still young and you need to tell Pacey or else he will resent you for the rest of his life. Just remember a baby is a gift and God works in mysterious ways," she said and gave her a kiss on the forehead,"think hard about what you really want and who you want in your life. Now I'll leave you girls. You have a lot of thinking to do."

Grams left leaving the girls with something to do...

Jen convinced Joey to eat something and convinced her to spend the day with her talking about all the options and her future.

**Later that evening...**

Joey and Jen had made head way. Joey was now thinking clearly and had a course of action. She needed to get in contact with Pacey. So they went out to find Doug. The hike wasn't long now that Joey knew how to drive, something else she could thank Pacey for. They saw the light on and went on up. Joey knocked on the door. She could hear the TV at a ridiculous volume and several voices. Then Jen rang the doorbell and Gretchen of all people answered the door, eyes all red and puffy,"Joey, Jen what are you two doing here? Have you seen the news report too?"

Joey and Jen looked at each other amazed and bewildered, "Come in, come in we're just waiting to hear some more updates."

Updates? TV? News report?

Doug hadn't heard them come in. Gretchen shook his shoulder and whispered in his ear. He turned around abruptly,"Joey, Jennifer..." He too looked worried and so unlike the unshakable Doug they all knew.

Jen couldn't stand the tension and suspense any longer, "What's going on Doug?"

Doug and Gretchen looked at her and then at Joey.

"You haven't heard I take it?" Doug asked.

"No, we haven't. What's going on?" Jen continued quite impatient now.

Gretchen spoke up first, "There a huge storm raging the east coast of Connecticut and Pennsylvania. The biggest they've seen in a very long time..." and suddenly they both understood. Pacey!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sorry to the readers about the inconsistencies concerning geography. Someone said if you're going to write, write about things you know. So detail will be in the story not in the peripheral things.**

**This is when the action begins...**

**Chapter 3...The Tide Turns**

The storm raged on and on. Pacey had never seen this kind of intensity and surrealism of the waves and the wind. It buffeted him around. He scurried to and fro, but just couldn't reach anything. There was water everywhere. The _True Love _was just taking in so much water. He just couldn't get control of the situation. For the first time ever, Pacey was scared. He held on for his life as the heavens unleashed even more wrath. Then he found his thoughts drifting to Capeside and Joey. His beautiful Joey! What was she doing? Was she thinking of him? He thought this would be the end. A life half led, a love unfulfilled and a future thwarted.

Then Pacey's yacht hit a submerged object, tearing off the keel and leaving

a gapping hole in the hull. Water gushed in at an alarming rate. Suddenly everything, the yacht, Pacey and his entire frame of reference was turned upside down. He had lost his bearings. He tired reaching out for anything, but all he could grab was water. Frantically, his arms kept flailing until something hit him and he lost all form of consciousness. The storm kept raging, the _True Love_had been torn apart and Pacey was no where to be seen.

**Back at Capeside...**

"I don't understand, are you sure Doug that Pacey would be in that area?" Joey asked incredulously. She knew what a skilled and masterful sailor Pacey was. He wouldn't risk his yacht, he just wouldn't.

Doug turned to face her because staring at the news report was dulling his senses, "Yes, it was confirmed by the coast guard. They couldn't tell me more. There are so many other people out there. The storm came on too fast and too strong. There just wasn't enough warning." Having said that he picked up the remote and increased the volume as if in a trance. Doug understood the difficulties Pacey suffered with his father, so he took it upon himself to guide Pacey and be that significant male figure. He was worried...very worried.

Joey was taken aback from Doug's calm but intense reaction. This was happening and this was real. The father of her unborn child could be dying if not dead. She'd never see him again. Her true love shattered and broken. Her Pacey...gone?

Gretchen noticed the paling of Joey and moved towards her, then looking at Jen she spoke up, "Listen Joey, it'll be a while until we hear anything. I think you should go home and rest. We'll keep you posted if and when we hear anything, OK?" She put her arm around her shoulders and looked up at Jen, "I think that's an excellent idea Joey. You can sleep over at my place."

Joey was in denial, shock and bewilderment. She nodded and Jen pulled her up and guided her to the door. Jen mouthed "thank you" to Gretchen and left with Joey. When they reached Jen's home, she guided Joey up to her bedroom. Joey needed to rest. Jen sat her on the bed pulled off her shoes and tucked her in. Joey lay there...she just lay there.

Jen went downstairs, found Grams in the lounge room watching the news report, "So you know?" Jen asked Grams. "Yes...I suspect Joey does too?" she asked without turning to meet her grand daughter's eyes. "She's not handling it very well, Grams," she said tearfully as she walked over and sat down next to Grams.

Grams turned her face to reveal the bloodshot eyes, "We need to be there for her Jen. To lose the love of your life," but she was interrupted by Jen, "We don't know that yet!" "You're right we must have hope and many prayers but nevertheless she will need all of us Jen especially since she's with child. The poor dear..." Grams silently sobbed as she pulled Jen closer to her. There they stayed until late.

**A Week Later...**

The whole of Capeside was abuzz with the news. Pacey was the local larrikin and was loved and liked by many people. It wasn't just for his practical jokes, his smile and sunny disposition, but for his generosity and thoughtfulness. He was always willing to help anyone. People could always count on Pacey to get things done. It was his way. There was something special about the boy.

Joey was sitting at the breakfast table when Dawson knocked and came in through the door, "Hey..."

"Hey...want some blueberry pancakes?" Joey asked Dawson avoiding his gaze. She found it odd to be showing such emotion about Pacey around Dawson.

"Yeah I'd love some..." he replied finding a spot at the table. Joey got him another plate and fork and sat back down.

"So how are you doing?" Dawson asked tentatively noticing her awkwardness.

"OK I guess. Still no news. I suppose that's goodish news," she said with a half hearted smile.

Putting his fork down, he looked at her hoping to ease the tension between them, "It's Pacey, Joe. He always gets through. He'll survive this and we'll all be laughing at this in years to come."

Dawson had spoken about him as a friend. Where was the harboured resentment? Where was the blind hate? Could this have been a blessing in disguise? But in reality Dawson was feeling it just as much as Joey. Sure the whole tryst situation had caused a great rift and great pain for both Pacey and Dawson, but they had been best friends since nappies. Dawson was worried and scared. He needed Pacey to be OK. Plus he couldn't and wouldn't win Joey's heart by default.

"You know, you might be right," agreed Joey. Maybe, just maybe Dawson was right. She needed to remain positive until there was any definite news. After all she had to think of the welfare of another, she thought touching her belly.

Another week went by. Andie and Jack had invited the gang over for a movie and popcorn night. Dawson had suggested ET but the gang all growled and laughed. It was the first time in a while that they'd cracked smiles. They decided on _The Big Chill_. They loved it because they could all seen themselves in specific roles. Just as the kitchen scene was about to begin, the phone rang.

Everyone just stopped dead in their tracks. Jack got up and moved over to the phone and picked it up. He answered it, "Jack speaking..."

"Hey Jack," it was Doug, " I've been trying to reach Joey and Grams said she was there with everyone. I've got news about...Pacey so you might want to pass it on to everyone." Doug had on his police voice and Jack couldn't guess as to the nature of the news.

Jack at once became so hopeful, he looked around and mouthed Doug. Everyone bustled for attention waiting in anticipation, "So what's the news Doug? Has he been found?" Jack asked.

There was a moment when there was absolute silence. Jack's normally bright face drained of its colour and became dour. He looked down and took in a deep breath. He started to sniffle and then said, "Ok...yep I understand. Ok. Thanks Doug and if you need anything..OK. Bye."

Jack wiped his nose on his sleeve, composed himself and addressed the others, purposefully not looking Joey. "That was Doug. The authorities found the remains of the _True Love_. It was in pieces. They haven't found Pacey. They're certain that no one could've survived the storm let alone surviving out at sea for 2 weeks so they've decided to call off the search."

Nothing was said. Nothing could be said. They just sat in shock. Now their lives would never be the same.

**Next chapter we'll deal with Pacey? You didn't think I'd let him die**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bobbing up and down, draped over some rotting boards, drifting in and out of unconsciousness Pacey clung to dear life. He'd been hanging on for so long, he'd lost track of everything and letting go was becoming to seem like the only option left. He had no idea where he was, with no land in sight, he lost unconsciousness again but not before something grabbed his lifejacket and yanked him up and over something. He couldn't see, he couldn't tell what was happening. Confusion reigned over him and he passed out.

"Hey boss...it's a kid," yelled a crewman.

"Is he alive?" said the captain.

"Yeah...yeah I think he is," hesitated the crewman searching for Pacey's pulse.

"OK bring him up...we could do with more help since Chopper left and who knows he might have a rich Daddy," he said looking around inciting a response. The crew erupted in laughter as the Captain motioned to the crew in their small roundabout.

After storms like these Jason, or The Captain as he was familiarly known, and his crew went out ready for the myriad of pickings. Unexpected storms and of the like took advantage of the rich who went sailing because that was the done thing. They placed all their faith in the captain of the yachts they'd hire and sometimes those captains had agendas of their own. How easy it was to fond an abandoned yacht! Or stranded passengers who'd give anything to be rescued. Yes Jason and his crew knew all the tricks. So far lady luck had been on his side. Sailing in and out of american and international waters, doing just enough not to get caught and staying off the coast guards radars. Jason was a modern day pirate, armed with the latest technology and weaponry sailing one of the fastest yachts in the world, the Al Mirqab borrowed of course!

They hauled Pacey onto the ship. Jason had a look at him. He was just a boy.

"Jackson, take him down to the infirmary," he ordered. Jackson and another crewman, dragged Pacey downstairs and Jason followed.

"Hey Phillip, check this kid out. We found him drifting...he's got himself a nasty head wound," he said as he grabbed Pacey's chin and moved his head side to side. Phillip gently placed his hand on Jason's to remove it and looked at him saying, "Let's not do anymore damage huh?"

Jason only let one person talk to him like that and that was Phillip. He nodded and said, " Call me when you're done," and walked off.

Phillip motioned Jackson to placed him on the examination table. The yacht had been modified with an infirmary that could put most hospitals to shame. In their business, injuries and serious ones, were an occupational hazard.

"Jackson, help me remove this jacket and the wet clothing. Now let's have a look at you kid," and Phillip went on with the examination. Severe hypothermia, malnutrition, 3 broken ribs, multiple cuts and bruises and a concussion was what Phillip concluded, all mendable. However he was concerned about the deep 10 cm gash that ran from above his temple to under his left eye. He could stitch it up but it would leave and impressive scar as the skin was already too damaged and the gash already too infected. Oh well, he was lucky to be alive, damaged but alive.

"Jason...I'm finished," said Phillip over the intercom.

"OK I'm coming," Jason said as he left his desk and walked over the the infirmary.

"So," he said as his eyes trailed over to Pacey wrapped in blankets, all patched up and on an IV, "how's the boy?"

Phillip poured them both a scotch and sat down, Jason sat with him, "He'll be OK. Battered and bruised, bit of a headache and a whopper of a scar, but he'll be OK," Phillip continued with hesitation, "so what are your plans for him?"

Jason who was staring at Pacey, refocussed on Phillip, "I'm glad the boy's OK...doesn't seem rich to me...I don't know. I'll have a chat to him when he's awake and we'll see."

Content with the answer, Phillip refilled the drinks, "Good," and the conversation ended there.

**The following morning**

Phillip had decided to sleep in the infirmary just to keep an eye on Pacey, checking his vitals every couple of hours. The sun streamed through the porthole windows and Phillip heard some moaning. He got up and walked over to the patient. Pacey's eyes were fluttering and his hand went to his head, when all of a sudden Phillip grabbed it, "Whoa cowboy, easy there, you'll hurt yourself." Pacey felt the warm and gentle grip, and opened his eyes. It took him awhile but they focussed on Phillip, "Where..." his eyes darted around the room, "who..." then looked imploringly at Phillip. "It's alright kid. I'm Dr Phillip Masters and you are safe. You're on a yacht off the east coast of America in international waters. We found you hanging on to dear life in the middle of no where." Phillip looked for any acknowledgement or reaction, but none came from Pacey. Pacey just stared at him. Phillip didn't push and continued, "I'm just going to check you're vitals and see how you're going. Maybe we can start with a name?"

Pacey's eyes widened, "a name?" he asked, "I don't um...you know what you said about a boat, middle of no where, yeah I don't know...". Phillip could see Pacey was becoming agitated and placed his hands on Pacey's shoulder. "Hey hey it's OK. A lot of people have lapses of memory due to trauma. Just stay calm and I'll tell you how we found you, we'll talk about what you do remember and maybe that'll jog something..." Phillip said hopefully.

Phillip went on and told Pacey his rescue story then about his injuries. "The only thing is that this gash here was just too deep and infected, you'll have a nice scar. Girls dig scars," he said smiling and raising an eyebrow, "so can you remember anything?"

Pacey looked at him and said downheartedly, "Nothing. I'm thinking and searching but nothing. I don't even know what year or month it is. I'm just blank." Pacey had lost everything; Joey, his family, his past. He only had his future and who knows for how long. Phillip deduced that Pacey was suffering some kind of post trauma amnesia.

"Look, it seems that we're looking at some form of amnesia and with amnesia, it is very unpredictable. It can take days, months or even years and you may get some, part or all your memories but I can tell you that I'll do everything and anything I can to help," finished Phillip. Pacey looked stunned and tired. It had all been too much. His eyes welled up and a single tear fell, streaming down his cheek, "OK," was all he could muster. Phillip smiled and patted him on the arm, "Now before you fall asleep again...we need a name..what about Tom?" Pacey showed no emotion. "Ok Tom it is. Now you rest. I'll update the captain on the situation. You're safe here Tom," having said that Pacey closed his eyes and Phillip walked away.

**a/n bit short but what a twist...**


	5. Chapter 5

a/n sorry about the delay...

Chapter 5

**At Capeside**

The search had been called off weeks ago and everyone still hoped for word about Pacey. But nothing. The emptiness his absence left in the small hamlet of Capeside was oppressive. He was missed by everyone because Pacey Witter was loved and he made himself be loved. His generosity, his humour and his positive spin on life was infectious.

School had started and Joey was finding it very difficult to focus on anything. Her only love was missing because she refused to believe he was dead and she was pregnant. Before Pacey went missing, she was determined to get rid of it. The baby would've meant the death of Joey. She had to get out of Capeside and become something more, someone Pacey inspired and challenged her to be. Besides Pacey wasn't mature enough to be a father. Sure he had lots of love to give. Often happens with children who are depraved of their family's love, affection and attention. But not at 17, Pacey was not ready to be a parent. Hell, neither was she! But now things were different. Pacey was missing and maybe gone forever so the baby had to stay. He or she would be the only thing left of Pacey's she'd have. She would love this baby more than anything in the world. She'd have the baby and find her way in the world. She'd become that person Pacey encouraged her to be and he would be proud.

Standing at the lockers Jen saw Joey struggling with the combination lock, "Hey you need a hand?" asked Jen.

"Yeah a hand, a morning sickness remedy, some focus, the nerve to tell my friends and family I'm pregnant and Pacey," Joey said in her sarcastic manner tinged with sadness.

Jen looked at her friend and smiled, "Joey things will work out, they will. Let's begin, here's the hand...there you can have two, the morning sickness will stop soon, your focus will return, I will help you announce the news and with the Pacey question...I can't help you. That's for you to figure out." Jen then hugged Joey. Jen was always so insightful and practical. They once had been enemies but now they had forged the strongest of friendships. "Listen, let's get the gang over at my place and we'll announce the news, OK?" Jen suggested.

"It has to be done before I start showing I suppose. I need to tell Bessie first," she contemplated.

"Do you need me to come along?" asked Jen.

"No I can do thins on my own. Plus I can't be responsible for your death too," she cracked a smile, but Jen saw right through it.

"You Joey Potter cannot blame yourself over Pacey's disappearance. It's NOT your fault," Jen tried to drive the point home.

"I know...I know but I feels like it is," she mumbled and the home bell rang.

"Now get home! Tell Bessie and then over at my place at 6 OK?" Jen ordered. Joey nodded, gave Jen a Joey smirk and walked through the halls of the school like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

**Potter's B & B**

Joey stopped short of the B&B. It was doing so well now and it was all due to Pacey. It was his idea to turn their family home into a B&B, then he arranged all the building donations and handy work and finally he wrote to one of the foremost respected B&B reviewers in America who gave them a glowing review. He had made all this possible. For Bessie, her family and Joey to have a future despite all the back luck they had had in the past.

There was no way she could tell how Bessie was going to react. But it had to be done. She took in a deep breath and headed up the path, up the porch steps and opened the back door, "Bessie...Bessie?" she called.

"Hey what's the emergency?" Bessie came from the living room holding a feather duster, "Hey Joey, what's up? Is it Pacey?" Bessie found Pacey infuriating but she had grown to love the larrikin. By the look on her face it wasn't about Pacey. She shook her head.

"Bessie, I need to tell you something, sit down," Joey pulled out a chair for Bessie and then herself. They sat down and Bessie didn't say a thing. It was almost as if she suspected the truth.

"Before Pacey left we shared a moment...you know...a passionate moment," Joey started to explain but feeling rather embarrassed. This was when Bessie's face dropped and she understood but let Joey continue. "We were careful. I never thought...anyway I'm pregnant, about three months and it's Pacey's," Joey finished and waited for a reply.

Bessie nodded her head then took Joey's hands, "Well...I suspected as much, you going off your food, being tired. You've got yourself in a fix, Joey. I don't know what you want me to say. You have some hard decisions to make. But I want you to know that whatever you choose to do I'll be right there supporting and loving you. We'll do this together, as a family, you hear me. We Potters need to stick together." Bessie had started to cry and Joey too. The sisters hugged then Bessie said, "Pacey Jnr huh?" and they both laughed.

**Six O'Clock**

Andie, Jack, Jen and Dawson had all gathered at Gram's house for a movie night, so they'd been told. Joey was the last to arrive. Hellos were exchanged and she gave Jen a knowing look, Jen smiled.

"Ok now that Joey is here...being 6:30, what movie is on the cards tonight because that dictates what pizza to order?" said Jack smiling at Joey whilst heading for the phone.

Dawson piped up, "I think we need cheering up so Shrek it is...", accompanied with a groan from the others.

There was no arguing with Dawson when it came to movies. Jack nodded and ordered pizzas with the lot. Jack had sat back down, Dawson was about to play the movie when Jen said, "Guys, I asked you here yes to watch a movie but also for an ulterior motive."

Everyone looked around then Joey took the stage nodding to Jen, "I need to tell you all something. It's life changing for me and I hope despite how you feel personally about the news you'll find it in your hearts to support me." She looked at her friends one by one with puzzled looks and felt very uncomfortable, "I'm...I'm pregnant, it's Pacey's and I'm keeping it." There it was. It was out. So very vulnerable she looked around. Dawson's face blanched and drained of all its colour. He felt like the earth had opened up and swallowed him whole. Even in death Pacey won. He got up and left. Joey wanted to go after him, but Jen stopped her and followed him outside.

Jack's jaw dropped but then rose to a smile. He got up and embraced her whispering in her ear, "Oh Joey...you'll make a wonderful mum and anything else you want to be. I'll be here whenever you need me and for whatever reason." Joey was so thankful for Jack. He had so many issues going on but always had the biggest heart. When Jack let go, she wondered what Jen and Dawson were talking about then Andie came up.

"You know I've always been envious of the way Pacey loved you. I know he loved me, but your love had signs of greatness and it still has. I'll be here for you Joey and for the little piece of Pacey you have growing inside of you. Our love for him will forever join us as friends," Andie hugged her, then gave her tummy a pat and went to sit with Jack and Grams who was on fall-out duty.

She still didn't she Dawson and Jen come in so she decided to go outside, when she bumped into Dawson. "Maybe I should have told you alone?" she said.

Dawson was still upset and confused but grabbed her hands and said, "When you announced the news, all I could think of was that you had slept with Pacey. But that's really not important is it and this isn't about me. Joey you're pregnant and you're keeping the baby. That's your decision and no one else's. I admire you for it. I love you for it. I will be a your beck and call, day or night. You're my friend for life." Then he pulled her in and she melted in his strong safe arms.

**Back at the B&B**

Joey lay on her bed where she and Pacey had laid 3 months before. The news was received well. She still had her friends, her family and had little piece of Pacey. In a matter of months her life had somersaulted causing incredible upheaval and change. But she'd get through it. She lay there looking at the moon that shone through her window thinking of Pacey and dreaming of his kiss. Would she ever see him again? How long would she wait? Was he really dead? She couldn't deal with those questions now. She'd have to deal day by day.

**Meanwhile...**

Tom had woken to find it dark...night-time he gathered. He felt sore and broken but strong enough to stand. Once he had his balance, he walked unsteadily to the portal windows. There he saw the the shimmering rolling waves and the reflection of the full moon and suddenly didn't feel so alone.


	6. Chapter 6

_a/n Sorry guys it's been so long. But now it's time to get on with the story._

_Just a reminder that Pacey's alter ego is Tom_

Chapter 6

Pacey watched the waves break and felt at home. He couldn't remember anything but the sea felt like home to him. His head hurt and so did his ribs, but it was his stomach that was causing the most concern. He was starving. There was nothing in his quarters to eat, so he decided to venture out and see if there was anybody about. He wrapped his right arm around his ribs, and using his left slid open the door. The narrow corridor was dimly lit and it was eerily quiet. He decided to continue his adventure. Towards the end of the corridor, the light seemed to get brighter and he could hear voices. He arrived at the entrance, "Well hello Jim Hawkins," said Captain Jason. Phillip was in the galley as well. He laughed.

Pacey looked at them, "Good ole Jim Hawkins, I'll take that as a compliment. So would make you Billy Bones or Black Dog?"

Phillip smiled and Jason remarked, "This one's got spunk. I should really introduce myself. I'm the Captain of this vessel, Captain Jason Burke. Captain to you."

"Captain it is...thanks for the rescue," said Pacey sheepishly.

"Think nothing of it. But so that you know, I own your soul now," said Jason winking at Phillip and giving out a loud pirate 'arrgh'.

"So I'm still screwed," said Pacey. Then he looked at Phillip, "Hey Doc."

"Hey Tom! Feeling better I see?" asked Phillip.

"I think I must have a bruise on every single part of my body. I'm starving. I could really do with something to eat?" asked Pacey.

"Only gruel son!" responded Jason with a teasing smile on his face.

"Oh cut it out Jas..." Phillip said turning to Jason, then resumed his talk with Pacey, "Sure kid, sit down. There's some lamb casserole left. I'll heat it up for you. There's bread on the table as well."

Pacey nodded in gratitude. He moved over to the empty chair and very gingerly sat down whilst holding his breath. Once down he let it out and a slight sheen appeared on his brow and he panted quickly and silently. Jason noticed and suddenly became concerned, "Hey kid...broken ribs are a bitch."

Pacey nodded, "Sure aren't a walk on the beach."

"So how's the head going? Remember anything yet?" asked Jason.

Pacey looked at him and shook his head, "Nup...it's as if I never existed before you found me. No memories not even feelings, nothing. I don't know what I'll do."

Jason looked at him, "Sorry kid, we'll figure it out." Meanwhile Phillip had placed a steamy hot dish heaped with lamb casserole. Pacey breathed in the aroma...geez he was hungry. Then Phillip said, "I know Jason agrees with me when I say you can stay here as long as you want. You have a home here Tom." Jason nodded. They often picked up stragglers who in time became a blended family. Then Jason stood took the last swig of his beer, "I'm heading off to bed. We'll talk tomorrow kid." Pacey had his mouth so full that the only thing he could do was look up and nod. Jason laughed and left.

Phillip watched as Pacey shoveled down his food. God knows how long he'd been adrift for! He stared at Pacey and wondered who this kid was. Pacey caught him staring and asked suspiciously, "You ok Phillip?"

Phillip smiled, "Yeah just wondering Tom...what your story is?"

"When I remember I'll let you know but for now I'm not gonna let it get me down. Heck I'm alive and fairly unscathed...can't ask for more when you go head to head with Poseidon," said Pacey flashing his cheeky smile, "hey and I won!" Phillip cracked up and laughed heartily. "So what's your story Doc?"

Slowly Phillip's smile turned south. It was too early in the relationship to open up his life's story to an unknown kid. "Tom, life throws us many curve balls. I dodged many of them but there was one, one that hit me square on and I needed to get away and sort myself out. So here I am still sorting or maybe still running...I don't know."

Pacey understood...he got what Phillip was trying to say. Was he running as well? Finishing his last bite he said, "Do you think you'll ever go back and face the music?"

Phillip shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I kinda like this life. But I suppose it'll be nice seeing my family again...Skype only does so much." Pacey smiled and nodded. "So you up for seconds?" asked Phillip. Pacey nodded with his mouth full of food and Phillip laughed, "Coming up!"

_**Several of weeks later...**_

Pacey awoke with ray of hope for the future. Through his misfortune, Pacey had stumbled on a good thing. The guys were friendly though they teased him constantly, but Pacey was used to that and they appreciated his sense of humour. Today was the first day he actually felt human. The aches and pains had all but abated. He had been helping around the ship including some of the maintenance and running of the ship. This particular day, he was standing at the bow looking out into the wide blue ocean, thinking about himself, thinking about what his next step would be. He couldn't stay on this ship forever. He had to find out who he was. He let his thoughts wander when he heard his name being called, "Tom, the Captain wants a word with you in his quarters." Pacey turned to see Phillip motioning to him.

"OK," and started towards the Captain's cabin followed closely by Phillip. He climbed down the few stairs and was greeted by Jason, "Hey kid...I hear your a natural seaman. You seem to know how to sail a ship. How's that?" asked Jason pouring himself a drink.

"Don't know Captain. It just comes naturally. I don't even have to think about what I'm doing," Pacey tired to explain.

"Well, Doc and I seem to think that sailing was something you did and you loved. However, the reason I called you was that Doc and I were thinking what to do with you. You're all better now and you've been a great asset to the crew, but we feel you need to try to find out what happened to you, to find out your past. You see it's easy to runaway from one when you know what you're running from. But you can't run from nothing," said Jason taking a swig of scotch and then looked at Phillip.

Phillip nodded and took over in the tag team, "We are stopping in in Haiti tomorrow for a bit or R&R and to stock up on supplies. We have a very dear friend who runs a company that hires out sailing crews to the rich and famous, sometimes infamous. We thought that could be you entry back into the US and you can also make good money."

Pacey took it all in and looked both disappointed and relieved. He looked at Jason then at Phillip, "I really like it here. It's a great thing you have going. But you're right. I need to find out what happened and your plan sounds as good as any...OK!"

_**Haiti**_

Pacey disembarked along with the rest of the crew. Each went their own way but Jason took Pacey under his wing and took him to the B&B that was his home away from home in St Lucia. Pacey looked at the place. It was a gaudy bright turquoise, sea shells plastered all over the front and fluorescent pink shutters. Pacey stopped in front of the small plastic front garden with the token pink flamingoes and dropped his knapsack and turned to Jason in utter disbelief, "I know I can't remember anything but I don't think I need what you think I need."

Jason burst out laughing and his howls brought out the owner of the B&B, "Jason...my dear boy. I thought it was your laugh. Don't just stand there, come in...come in." Rashinda was a kind elderly woman who had taken Jason in when he was only a little boy running in the streets of Haiti. She was portly and had wiry white hair which she wore pulled tight in a bun with a franjipani highlighting her smile.

She turned to Pacey, eyed him up and down and asked, "..and who is this handsome boy?"

Jason grabbed her by the arm walking her in, "He is Tom and he needs help."

"My kind of help?" asked Rashinda in a very sh-sh voice.

"Yes," replied Jason equally as quiet.

"Ok then young man, give me your arm and welcome to Rashinda's house," she said, but as her arm touched his...she stopped, took in a a quick breath and stared at Pacey with wide kind eyes, "Oh my boy...the pain, the pain you've suffered." Pacey stood in utter shock. Then without saying another word, she dragged both boys into her house.

The table had been spread with all the home made foods Jason had grown to love. Jason and Pacey took in the smells. Jason's hand went for some _Bannann peze _when Rashinda's hand slapped him curtly, "Now Jason you know your room, go freshen up and I'll take Tom to the spare room and show him the bathroom," bossed Rashinda. Pacey just followed like a little puppy loving the attention. She turned to Pacey, "Now sweetie, clean up and come to the kitchen and you can fill your belly then we'll have a chat." Pacey was overwhelmed by it all and did what he was told.

He made sure he left the bathroom tidy, got changed and walked over to the kitchen. There he found Rashinda serving mountains of food to Jason. They both turned to face him, "Hey Tom, feel better?" asked Jason.

"Yeah...I actually had space to move around," replied Pacey then he turned to Rashinda with Pacey's trademark cheeky smile, "Is that all for the Captain?"

Rashinda laughed and started filling his plate, "Sit down you scallywag..."

"Just be careful Rashinda, he eats like a horse," said Jason smiling. Pacey just nodded with a mouthful of food already. The food had been eaten and the sailors were full and satisfied.

"That would have to be the best food I've ever, ever had," said Pacey patting his tummy.

Jason looked at him, wanting to smack him on the head, "You can't remember any other!"

They all laughed. But Rashinda quietened first and her face took on a serious demeanour, "So young man, Jason told me about your dilemma. I may be able to help."

Pacey said confused, "How? I don't understand?"

"So Jason hasn't filled you in. I'm a Haitian Voodoo Priestess and with that position comes gifts. Let me read you Tom..let me see what I can," she explained. Pacey laugh, "You're joking right...voodoo..." He saw that he had upset not only Rashinda but Jason. "Sorry I didn't mean to be disrespectful but..." finished Pacey.

Jason stood up, "I would not have brought you here if I didn't think it would help Tom." Pacey saw the menacing look in Jason's eyes.

"I apologise Rashinda, please if you can help," said Pacey.

"Not everyone is open to our traditions...ignorance is forgiveable. Now come closer, place your hands on the table with your palms up," she asked. Then she lit candles and essences, started chanting and placed her hands on his. Her eyes closed and she started humming and singing. She uttered the letter 'P', the words 'true love', she described Capeside perfectly, letter 'J' and a surprise. Slowly she emerged from her trance and looked at him. "Your memories are buried too far down. You are not willing to remember for long time. You have a big heart and that will play a big part in your destiny and your journey home. Something will happen that will trigger your memories and they'll come all at once. The words 'True Love' kept popping up all the time, sometime on a boat, sometimes smashed against the reef. Your home so green, near water but tinged with so much sadness, regret and anger...but also love. The letters 'p & j' kept swirling around in my head, then the last thing I saw was a surprise...very unexpected. It's all there Tom but the journey back home will be long and there will be times when your past will be a distant thought, but you must keep seeking. There are people waiting, hoping..." Rashinda had said her peace.

Pacey sat in awe. There was no way for him to agree or disagree but she had given him something when he had nothing at all. "I don't know what to say...but thank you," and he gave her a huge hug, "Thank you!"

Rashinda smiled, "Good...now for dessert!"

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The events at Rashinda's abode had been very surprising and revealing. Her cryptic utterances gave Pacey lots to think about. If half of it was true, there was a whole life for him out there. He felt hope, excitement and even trepidation. He now had a purpose to find his past. But as he looked around, he saw people laughing, walking, living; he saw the vibrancy of life. He wanted to be part of it. He knew the obsession over his past would stop him from from enjoying the present. He wouldn't be guaranteed that his memory would return. So he made a vow that he would live for the moment, enjoy the second chance of life he was given and follow any path that came his way.

Rashinda didn't live far from the docks, so the walk was short and pleasant. Jason led the way enjoying Pacey's awe at the colourful neighbourhood. Finally after avoiding several street sellers, they came to pier 35 and a beautiful ship called 'Paradise'. Jason motioned for Pacey to stop, and bellowed, a sound that made Pacey jump out of his skin, "Ahoy there Captain!" Nothing happened. Jason looked at Pacey and smiled as if it was natural. Then again he bellowed, "Captain o' Captain Ahoy!" Then suddenly a ruddy head of hair emerged from the lower deck and yelled in a harsh smoker's voice, "Jason is that you?"

"Yes, it's me Solomon. Getting deaf in your old age. I've got a friend I want you to meet," said Jason as he and Pacey boarded the ship. Meanwhile Solomon had arrived on deck and was eying Pacey suspiciously. Solomon was a man in his 50s with bright red hair, about 5 ft 6 in and sinewy.

"I'm not getting old. I was in the engine room," his eyes still not leaving Pacey, "so how are you Jason?"

"Stop staring at him Solomon, you're being rude. Tom this is Solomon, a very dear friend. Solomon this is Tom," Jason introduced them. Pacey felt like Solomon's eyes were boring into him and he tried to avert his gaze.

"Got something to hide boy?" asked Solomon with a wry smile.

"Stop it Solomon," said Jason not before Pacey jumped in. Jason tried to hide his smile.

"Well you know Solomon...that's exactly it. I've got nothing to hide," Pacey said angrily.

"Whoa, whoa there kid...good to see you have some backbone," he moved towards Pacey slapped him on the back and continued, "come on, come down to my cabin and we'll get to know each other better. Oh and you can come too Jason," invited Solomon. So the afternoon was spent drinking and telling tall stories. Solomon was brought up to speed regarding Pacey's situation. He was intrigued but he was also willing to help. Identification was going to be a problem, but Solomon knew a few people with special talents and passports were no problem at all. Pacey smiled at the thought.

"So we leave tomorrow morning. Your papers should be ready by then. We're charted for billionaire Mr Lawrence Edwards, lawyer extraordinaire. He's all business no play, so don't think there'll be any bikini clad beauties on board. He likes to be left alone. He lives in Manhattan and that's our destination, well there abouts. So you in?" asked Solomon, as he poured another round.

Pacey looked at Jason, who nodded at him smiling, then looked over to Solomon, "Yeah Ok I'm in."

_**The next morning**_

Pacey arrived at the 'Paradise' and was greeted by Solomon who had spruced up and looked very much a dignified Captain. "Tom," said the Captain, "good to see you again son...your job will be to oversee the maintenance of the ship with Rudi." Just then Rudi came up to the pair. Rudi was an older man in his late 40's, an experienced sailor. He shook Pacey's hand with a gentleness of spirit. Then Solomon introduced Pacey to James, a young man in his 20's who would be looking after Mr Edwards' needs personally; and then Caprice, the ship's chef, a gorgeous Eurasian woman in her late 30's. Pleasantries were exchanged and he went to his quarters to put on his uniform. Suddenly he heard a Captain's whistle...all hands on deck Mr Edwards was coming on board.

The crew lined up to greet Mr Edwards who was about to board the vessel with his personal assistant Peter when Pacey heard Solomon shout, "Mr Edwards, please welcome aboard."

Lawrence and Peter boarded the vessel looking wearily at Solomon giving him a 'not again' look, "Solomon must we go through this charade every time I charter you." He walked up to Rudi and outstretched his hand, "I know Rudi..Rudi how are you?"

"Fine Sir, good to have you on board again," said Rudi flashing a huge smile. After all Mr Edwards always gave the crew a huge tip at the end of the charter but he was also a really nice man.

"And I know James...James you seem well," asked Lawrence shaking his hand as well.

James smiled. He enjoyed tending to Lawrence's needs. He was never demanding nor rude. He respected James and the job he was trained and hired to do. "I'm very well Sir...good to have you back," said James.

Then he moved onto Caprice and gave her a very warm handshake with both hands, "So my dear Caprice...is the Lobster bisque on the menu again this time?"

Caprice smiled, "Of course Mr Edwards, fresh from the morning haul...good to see you again."

Then Lawrence stopped and stared at Pacey, stared at him so intently, was it the scar or something else. Pacey felt like he was looking straight through him. This made Pacey uncomfortable, almost like he had something to apologise for. Solomon noticed the pause and jumped in, "And this is Tom. He is joining us for this trip. He'll be helping Rudi out."

"Nice to meet you Mr Edwards," said Pacey flashing his killer smile. Lawrence shook Pacey's hand but couldn't shake a feeling about this young man.

"Where are you from Tom?" asked Lawrence inquisitively. Before Pacey could answer, Solomon jumped in looking uneasy, "from Bakersfield California."

Tom just turned to him scrunching his eyebrows, shaking his head incredulously. Solomon gave him a 'follow-my-lead' look and Pacey looked back at Lawrence and nodded, "Yep...Bakersfield." Lawrence saw the exchange of looks between Pacey and Solomon and also saw the Pacey's scar. This young man intrigued him. Lawrence decided he was going to find out what they were hiding.

Most of the day passed by quietly. Pacey looked out and felt free. He felt such an affinity with the sea. It felt familiar, like an old friend. The undulating waves, so blue and clear, reminded him of something he couldn't quite pinpoint. The horizon so far away, blended the sky with the sea and he wondered, if he could blend the absence of his past with his future. He was lost in thought when Solomon came up to him, "Hey kid...you did well today. You really know your way around a ship."

Pacey turned to face him and smile, "Yeah..I do. It's great."

"Good, good...listen Mr Edwards is suspicious of any new crew members and he wants to know more about you. He wants you to join him for dinner. What are you going to tell him?" he asked Pacey.

Pacey smiled at him, "Well, dinner sounds great and I'll tell him the truth...I don't remember anything. I'm not going to lie to him because he'll see right through me. I don't want to lie."

Solomon nodded, "Ok but be careful. He is a very good client...enjoy the Lobster bisque."

Pacey rubbed his hands together, smiled at Solomon and walked away with a spring in his step. Solomon looked after him and thought, 'Good luck kid.'

Pacey had changed and walked on deck where James gave him a wink of encouragement. Then he started to walk over to Mr Edwards who was drinking from a glass of scotch neat, staring out to sea. He heard movement and turned around, "Tom...something to drink?"

"Um..coke for me, thanks," he said uncomfortably. Lawrence motioned to James who poured out a coke for Tom.

"Come sit with me," invited Lawrence motioning with his hands. Pacey took a place at the table and noticed that Peter wasn't eating with them. Lawrence noticed Pacey's observation and smiled, "Peter is tired and doesn't cope to well at sea. I am rather cruel having him accompany me but he does enjoy it after a while. So Tom...you're not from Bakersfield are you?" asked Lawrence quite bluntly.

Pacey was surprised and said brazenly, "Well you cut to the chase...before I tell you anything about me. What about you?"

Lawrence laughed out loud, "You've got nerve kid. Ok then, well you know my name and I'm the CEO at Edwards and Partners. It's a law firm that I inherited from my father. I studied law at Stanford most of the time and the rest I partied my way through...my dear father got me through some scrapes including being expelled, cost him a new hall. Let me tell you he wasn't very pleased. Now tell me about you, Tom." Pacey looked at him and he smiled, eying Lawrence with suspicion. The story didn't match the man who was sitting in front of him. The way he interacted with the crew, the humility he showed, the isolation and privacy he sought and the intense appreciation for their work was not in keeping with his story. Pacey was going to call his bluff. His sixth sense warned him that something was up.

"Well that's an impressive story Mr Edwards but I'm not sure I believe you...so if you're going to play games with me, you've got the wrong guy. I thought you had more integrity," Pacey said getting up to leave. That's when Lawrence started clapping. Pacey stopped bewildered and turned around and thought what on earth!

"Very good Tom...sit, sit down," suggested Lawrence, "I'm always weary of strangers that's why I like to get to know my staff. I did the same for all the crew here. They passed. Not like you though. Many don't say anything, we have lunch, they bore me to tears and that's that. No disrespect James. You called my bluff. That takes backbone, that takes character." He finished and took a sip of his scotch earnestly pleased.

Pacey gathered himself up, pulled the chair out and sat, leaning back still confused about this older man. "So what's the true story?"

"Well I am the CEO of Edwards and Partners. A law firm I own and I started in New York 35 years ago. Now I also have offices in Chicago, Los Angeles, Washington DC, Seattle, Atlanta, Philadelphia and London. Basically I started from nothing. My parents were factory workers, immigrants from England. They gave up everything so I could get an education. I worked hard at school, got a full ride at Stanford and built myself an empire. I was always very grateful for their sacrifices but I wanted to give my parents a decent life, to have them enjoy their twilight years in comfort and they did until the day they died. My life has been rewarding but hard. It is a good life but if there's one thing I regret in my 68 years is that I never married and never had a son or daughter to share this with. So Tom that's me. Quid pro quo Tom...now tell me your story," he said rather than asked. Lawrence spoke very succinctly. He didn't elaborate, he didn't embellish, he just told it as it is. Pacey liked that.

"Well...there's not much to tell really. I don't remember much. Before Captain Solomon took me on as part of his crew, I was fished out of the water...shipwreck I think. I was knocked around pretty bad during the storm. My head bearing the brunt of it..." Lawrence pointed to the scar. "Yeah, giving me this and also wiping my mind of any memories...I can't remember a thing. So now I'm trying to find my way back to the states and start some sort of life in some vain hope that one day the memories will come flooding back," explained Pacey rather sadly but with bravado. After having voiced his story it dawned on him how pathetic it sounded and how alone he was. It made him melancholy, he tried to suppress tears whilst avoiding Lawrence's gaze.

Lawrence smiled warmly and sat upright, "Tom...a good name Tom. My father was a Thomas. Life throws us curve balls which sometimes we can avoid but sometimes they smack us straight in the chest, flooring us. The only thing we can do is get back up and keep on going trying to do the best we can with what we have. Don't dwell on what you don't have Tom. You need to focus on the here and now and try to build a future for yourself. You seem like a very likable, insightful, articulate and intelligent young man...it won't be hard. Now let's dig in, Caprice's lobster bisque is marvelous."

Pacey nodded and followed Lawrence's lead. So far making friends hadn't been difficult. He had a knack for making himself endearing to others so maybe Lawrence was right.

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	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The voyage had been uneventful but pleasant. Pacey worked hard and his skills in the ship continued to amaze Solomon. His shenanigans, humour and wit entertained the whole crew including Lawrence who hadn't laughed this much in a very long time. They were a day from Lower Bay and Pacey was having his down time siting on the bough staring at the rolling waves and the deep blue sea. The voyage was coming to an end. Solomon had asked him to stay on. Pacey thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons, but decided to disembark when they docked. He had a life to live and a past to discover. He couldn't do that on a ship.

Lawrence had been busy working most of the trip but found time to talk to Pacey and have a few laughs. He was liking the kid. Something about him was endearing. He saw Pacey and carefully, whilst holding onto the rails, walked towards him and sat down. Pacey felt company and turned around, "Hey, you're adventurous coming up here!" said Pacey.

"Yeah...guess I am. So Tom I was thinking...what are your plans when you leave here?" asked Lawrence.

"Oh I don't know. Find a job and a place to stay I suppose," said Pacey still staring out to sea.

"Listen...I know what it's like to start with nothing, to be alone in the world. If you ever need anything you call me direct, this is my number...anything Tom," said Lawrence.

Pacey couldn't believe the generosity of the man. He turned towards him, "Why? You hardly know me," asked Pacey trying not to seem ungrateful.

"Why? Because it'll cost me nothing and you seem like a really nice kid who needs a hand," said Lawrence handing him his card with his handwritten mobile number scribbled on it.

Pacey took it, looked at it and then looked at Lawrence, "Thanks."

Lawrence nodded, slapped the kid on the back and very tentatively made his way back to his cabin. Pacey sat smiling. This future thing was looking pretty bright.

_**Weeks later...**_

Weeks had passed since the trek from the Caribbean. Pacey used the credentials Solomon had provided to find work. He was working as a courier and was sharing an apartment with some college students and a wannabe actress in downtown Brooklyn. Today when he woke, he felt exhilarated, happier than usual.

"Hey Tom...what's with the whistling?" asked Clare the actress whilst she was battling with the coffee plunger.

"My dearest Clare, the sun is shining and the birds are chirping.." but he got cut off by Bud's hoarse voice, "Shut it Tom...some of us need some peace and quiet...hangovers are a bitch."

"Totally your fault man...don't take it out on us," said Clare smiling at Pacey.

"Well enjoy your hangover Bud, Clare check to see Murray's still alive and I'm off to work...later," said Pacey grabbing his bike helmet, banging the door and smiling, only to hear angered screams from the other side. He scooted down the stairs, unchained his bike and started his ride to work. It was 6am and the traffic was as heavy as ever. He dodged and avoided taxis, other bikes and cars until he arrived at 'Mercury Couriers'. He dismounted and walked the bike in and found his locker. The place was rather isolated as he was on the early shift. He changed and went over to his schedule...busy as usual but most of the deliveries were near each other...that was good. As his eyes skimmed down he noticed a familiar name 'Edwards and Partners'. Well hello! Suddenly the old man's face appeared in front of him and he cracked a smile.

"You know Tom...never ever have I seen a schedule bring a smile to a courier's face," said his boss Mr Gosling.

"Well I'm dropping something off to an old friend today," said Pacey smiling at his boss whilst grabbing Lawrence's parcel first.

"Ok Ok but just remember...time is money, don't hang around for too long," warned his boss. Pacey nodded and made his way to Manhattan. The address was memorised. Suddenly he was in front of a huge skyscraper. He checked the address again. This belonged to Lawrence? It was huge and it all belonged to Lawrence. He rode up to the front doors, then dismounted and walked to the front desk where a security guard said, "May I help you?"

"Parcel for Mr Lawrence Edwards...sign here," said Pacey robotically then asked, "Oh when will Mr Edwards be in?"

The security guard gave him a once over, "First of all you need an appointment and secondly none of your business."

Fine, thought Pacey, no need to be rude. He grabbed his bike and started out back the way he came. The morning rush hadn't started and it was pretty quiet. He finished putting on his helmet when a sleek black car pulled up to the front. The driver got out and went to the passenger door and out stepped Lawrence in a grey pin-stripped suit holding on and talking into his phone in one hand whilst holding his briefcase in the other. He looked so involved in the conversation that Pacey didn't think this was the right time to say hello...or even if he still remembered him.

Then out of nowhere, a man came running up past Pacey ramming into Lawrence's driver. The driver yelled and fell clutching his abdomen, blood oozing out from between his fingers. The few people there screamed. Then the assailant turned to Lawrence lifting his knife and grabbed him from the nape of his neck, "Wallet now!" Before Lawrence had time to think, he saw someone hurl himself towards them, knocked him out of the way and fell onto the assailant, crashing to the ground. Lawrence managed to get up from the ground and leant heavily against the car and watched in horror as the two men, wrestled and fought, arms and legs flailed like marionettes. People were still screaming as the younger of the two straddled the assailant and started a punching rampage until he was no longer moving.

Lawrence saw paramedics attending to his driver while two police officers, yanked the younger one off the assailant, flinging him against the side of the car, ripping his arms back for the handcuffs and reading him his rights. The other policer officer checked the assailants vitals, he was bruised and battered but OK. The second set of paramedics were on their way. Lawrence looked towards the driver, the paramedics shook their heads...he was dead. The shock was too much for Lawrence who became very distraught and lost focus. Like in a nightmare, dazed he looked at the young man still hunched over the bonnet of the car, bloodied and bruised, he knew the young man. He moved closer. The police officer put his hand up, "Sir please stand back!"

But the warning went unheeded as he addressed the officer, "You unhandcuff him now. This young man saved my life," he said while he bent slightly to see the young man's face...Tom, it was Tom. "Let him go or I'll have your badge!" screamed Lawrence trying to grab a hold of Tom.

"Sir it's procedure," said the officer trying to pull Tom off and away from the car. But he was having difficulty, "Come on, kid. You're making it hard on yourself." As he pulled harder, Tom fell to the ground unconscious. "Paramedics...guys I need you here!" screamed the officer quickly taking the cuffs off Tom. Lawrence watched in disbelief as he saw a large stain of blood seeping through Tom's shirt. He had been injured during the fight. The boy had saved his life and now he was losing his own. The paramedics tore open his shirt to reveal a stab wound. They worked hard to stabilise him as he was lifted into the ambulance. "May I ride with him?" asked Lawrence.

"Yeah get in," said the female paramedic and off sped the ambulance leaving destruction behind.

_**St Mary's Hospital**_

Lawrence sat quietly in the waiting room. He looked tired, breathless and dishevelled. His face wrought with worry and despair, for Tom and for the family of his driver all because of him. Suddenly he felt a presence beside him. It was Peter who asked "Lawrence, are you alright? What on earth happened? It's been all over the news!"

Lawrence turned his head and spoke quietly but with tension, like the calm before the storm. "I'm shaken but fine. A madmen tried to rob me, and in trying to do so he killed Ivan. Then out of nowhere a young man comes running, saves my life. He's in the theatre now."

Peter didn't know what to say. His mouth remained open in sheer disbelief and asked, "Jeez Lawrence I've been trying to tell you to hire bodyguards. Do you know who saved you?"

Lawrence looked ahead staring at the blank hospital walls, "Yes I do...he came out of nowhere. It's Tom Peter, Tom!"

Peter stared at Lawrence, "The only Tom we both know is the kid from the trip."

"Yes...it was him. He survived a storm of mythical proportions only to be killed in Manhattan saving a worthless soul like me...I will make it up to the kid. He needs to pull through, Peter!" said Lawrence on the verge of tears.

Peter had never seen such emotion from Lawrence before. Tom had touched something in Lawrence that had been locked away for so long. He'd pray that Tom would make it too. "Listen stay here, I'll go and get something to eat and some coffee. I'll be back soon," said Peter.

Lawrence nodded, "OK."

Hours later, Lawrence had had his coffee and had eaten some of the food Peter had brought him, but the wait was making him anxious and nervous. Peter sat with him trying to comfort and calm him down. Then Peter overheard a man's voice, "Who's here for Tom Roberts?" The nurse pointed to Lawrence. Peter nudged Lawrence, "I think there's news."

They both straightened up as the doctor approached, "Mr Edwards?" Lawrence nodded. "I'm Doctor Korda and I was the attending surgeon on Mr Roberts. He was very lucky. We repaired the damaged and stopped the bleeding. I can assure you he'll make a full recovery barring any possibility of infection. Hoping all goes well, he should be out in a week and then he needs rest and care for a while," explained the doctor.

Lawrence was overwhelmed and couldn't find his voice. Peter stepped in, "Thank you Dr Korda, that's wonderful news, may we see him?"

"He's in recovery at the moment. The nurse will let you know when he's moved to his room and yes then you can. I need to go now. Good luck," and off he went.

Lawrence sat down as a shudder of tears escaped him. Peter sat next to him, with his arm around his shoulders comforting his old friend.

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	9. Chapter 9

BIG BIG apologies for posting the wrong chapter...this is the right one :)

I'm aware the time sequencing may be a bit off, but bear with me.

**Chapter 9**

Hours had passed and Lawrence had remained still and impassive, waiting and anticipating. He was nervous about seeing Tom. He also knew that a simple thank you could never amount to the overwhelming gratitude Lawrence felt. Peter had remained with his old friend. Talk wasn't necessary just his presence sufficed.

Suddenly the silence was shattered like broken glass by Lawrence, "So what do I say to the kid? My whole life I've spent talking and arguing, trying to convince, dissuade and convict. Words are my art and my life, but I can't, Peter, for the life of me think of anything to say to the kid. Thank you just isn't enough."

Peter reclined in the grey plastic chair and loosened his tie, "Well...I can't tell you what to say Lawrence but I know that thank you is a start. Then maybe you can show him your gratitude some other way."

Lawrence looked at him as a thought exploded in his mind, "Yes you are right...thank you is a start."

Just then a nurse approached them, "Mr Edwards, Mr Roberts is settled in his room now. You can go in, it's room 12 on you right."

"Is he awake?" asked Lawrence nervously.

"Yes he is, but still a bit drowsy," answered the nurse.

"Thank you," answered Peter and watched as the nurse left, "well come on then, let's see this superman and then let's go home Lawrence. We need some proper rest and a good stiff drink. Tomorrow we need to deal with the fall out."

"Yes as always Peter you're right," said Lawrence straightening up from the chair. He brushed his hands down his trouser legs, pulled down his vest, straightened his tie and reset his blazer, "Let's go."

They walked down the hall and finally found the room, room 12. "I'll wait outside Lawrence," suggested Peter.

Lawrence nodded. He opened the door. The room was dark but enough light streamed in. It gave the room a very surreal glow. He stepped through and closed the door. Slowly he moved towards the bed and saw Pacey. His face was pale and he looked so young. He had his eyes closed and it looked like he was sleeping, not nursing a knife wound. Lawrence spoke softly, "Tom?" To his surprise Pacey slowly shifted his head and his eyes fluttered. "Tom," said Lawrence again and Pacey slowly opened his eyes. He looked around trying to find the source of the voice. Once they focussed, they widened at seeing Lawrence and flashed him a smile. As earnest as it was, pain and lethargy shone through. Lawrence felt a stabbing of guilt. It pained him to look at Pacey. He felt shame and humility. Pacey's act was selfless and Lawrence may not have done the same thing in his shoes.

"Mr Edwards, you're...ok?" asked Pacey. His voice sounding rough and raw.

"Yeah, I'm fine Tom. Thanks to you I'm fine," said Lawrence smiling with relief.

"I was worried...when I knocked you over...I may have hurt you," said Pacey earnestly worried and concerned.

Lawrence smiled and let out a short laugh, whilst patting Tom on his forearm, "You're worried about me? Kid...I'm not the one lying in the hospital with a knife wound." Pacey smiled trying to move and face Lawrence straight on. He winced and his hand went straight to his wound. "Hey take it easy, Tom," said Lawrence concerned, "do you want me to get the nurse?"

Pacey started panting and slowly caught his breath, "No I'm good." Pacey's smile disappeared as the reality of the situation struck him. He was in hospital with a knife wound. Was this going to be a recurring theme with him? He survived a shipwreck and now a knife wound. Fate was keeping him alive, fate was allowing Pacey to have the time he needed to figure out his past. It gave him hope.

Lawrence looked at the kid, waited until Pacey had regained his composure then said, "I didn't want to disturb you so early after theatre, but I was anxious to see how you were and also to thank you for saving my life. I don't think anyone else would've done what you did and I'm eternally grateful Tom."

Pacey smile gently, "You know I was standing outside your building after having delivered a parcel, and I was wondering if you'd remember me. I just saw someone who needed help. You don't have to thank me Mr Edwards." Pacey's face suddenly went white as he made eye contact with Lawrence.

"What is it?" asked Lawrence in a panic.

"The other guy...your driver...he is ok?" asked Pacey with trepidation in his voice.

Lawrence looked away and focusing his gaze on the scenery outside the window, "No Tom...Ivan died. He had been my driver for 15 years. He was a good friend. Someone whom I depended on for a number of reasons and his family, so loving and so welcoming. I will make sure they are very well looked after. I will miss him dearly." He broke out of his melancholy and smiled at Pacey, "However he has been vindicated. By your heroic act Tom, the assailant is in custody. This will go to trial. I don't appear in court anymore, but this perpetrator will wish he was never born. I will make him pay for Ivan's death and everything single thing he has been responsible for his entire life." Lawrence noticed that Pacey was looking at him in awe. He broke from his soliloquy and looked down at Pacey, "What is that look young man?"

Pacey's eyelids felt heavy. The meds were wearing off and the whole ordeal was overwhelming him, "You...still...have...a lot...of...fight..in...you!"

Lawrence noticed Pacey's distress. He moved closer, putting his hand on his shoulder, "For the things that mean a great deal to me. Now you're tired Tom...if you don't mind I'll come round tomorrow and we'll chat. Now you rest." Then he saw Pacey smile and succumb to slumber.

_**Capeside**_

Joey's pregnancy had been relatively uneventful. It had raised a few eyebrows, but then again the residents at Capeside were used to the Potter's colourful lives. The school had allowed her to finish the year off at home with a tutor. They didn't want scandals. Now she was overdue and becoming extremely frustrated. Sleep was the only thing that allowed her peace and comfort. In her sleep and in her dreams she'd see Pacey, she'd hold him and kiss him, she'd laugh at his stupid jokes and he'd revel in her amusement. She'd see his Pacey smile, the smile that made women twice his age fall in love with him. They were always safe and happy in her dreams. But tonight the dream was different. It was threatening and it was full of fear.

"_Pacey don't go...the storm is gathering faster than they anticipated," screamed Joey. The wind and the rain forcing Pacey back with every step he took._

"_Joe I have to...I have to find him. I have to find our son!" yelled Pacey switching on his torch._

"_They have the police and the state guards looking for him. I can't lose you too," she ran over tugging at his sleeve, "please don't!"_

_He broke free of her, she fell to the ground sobbing then he grabbed her by the shoulders, "Joey...I need to find our son. You won't lose me and you won't lose him. I will always be with you!"_

_Joey inspired by his words looked up at Pacey and saw a blood stain starting to spread across his abdomen penetrating his shirt...she screamed!_

The scream reverberated throughout the house. She sat up in her bed, sweating and panting. "Pacey," she screamed desperately. His name reverberated through the whole house. Then she felt it...her waters broke radiating pain.

She scrambled out of bed as Bessie burst through her bedroom door, "What...Joey are you ok?"

"My waters broke and arggggghhhhh, I'm having contractions...arrghhhhhh, I had a dream...it's Pacey...aaarrrrgggghhhh" screamed Joey.

Bessie tried to calm her down, "Pacey's gone sweetie. It was just a dream. Now breathe through them so we can see how far apart they are," Bessie said. She pulled out her watch and started timing...3 mins apart.

"Well..." huffed Joey leaning against the wall bracing for the next onslaught.

"Honey it's time to go to the hospital...I'll grab your bag and I'll ring the others on the way. Come on let's go!" said Bessie excited but with controlled anxiety.

Joey nodded.

It all happened so quickly. From the moment she arrived, to when Dawson and the others entered the room, to the shrill cry of a newborn. It was here and they all were speechless. The nurse laid him on her chest, "Meet your son Joey!" Joey looked at his bright blue eyes and saw Pacey. All she could do was cry a river of tears for everything she had gained and everything she had lost.

A couple of hours later, Joey had just finished nursing the little infant and was looking at him mesmerised. The others had left swearing to be back. Bessie walked in quietly, "Hello mummy Joey. Let me look at my nephew." She took the infant off Joey and cradled him gently. Joey looked at the two and smiled. Bessie said, "He is just beautiful Joey...just beautiful. Have you thought of a name yet? Or do I need to ask?"

Joey's smiled slipped off her face, "I have to call him Pacey, Bessie. I just have to!"

Bessie nodded, "Nice choice Joey." Turning her face to the baby, "Hello little Pacey...hello sweetheart. I'm your aunty Bessie." Then baby slowly fell asleep as she rocked him and Bessie sat down next to Joey.

Joey looked at her sister, "I was having a dream when my waters broke. It was raining and storming. Pacey and I had a son and he was lost in the storm. Pacey was going out to look for him and I was pleading for him to stay. I kept telling him I didn't want to lose him and he just told me that he'd always be with me...then I saw blood dripping from his stomach...where is he Bessie?"

Bessie breathed in and out slowly, sympathetic to her little sister's plight, "Joey...babies stir up all sorts of emotions and yours is a very sad story. You need to know that Pacey will always be with you. That connection you had with Pacey will always be there and he'll be looking over you. He was your true love. But you need to let that go...accept that he's gone and move on. You have little Pacey here and he will need you so much. When he starts to understand, share your stories and your love of Pacey with him and his memory will live on."

Joey was teary. She knew Bessie spoke the truth and at this very moment, she was hurting and yearning for him. But today was the beginning of her new life.

A couple of hours had passed when Dawson entered Joey's room. She looked up and smile sweetly, "Hey!"

"Hey to you...gee you look great Joe. This is from mum," he said as he placed a bowl of fresh fruit on her bedside table, "she said she'd be in tomorrow. Everyone is so happy. I saw him in the nursery. He's cute Joe...really cute." Dawson stopped talking and just stared at her.

Joey was puzzled and asked, "He is cute...did you notice the name?"

Dawson looked at her and didn't know what to say.

"You don't think it's a good idea?" asked Joey starting to panic.

"No it's the perfect name for the little guy, but how will you cope calling him...Pacey. Maybe a different name could help you move on," suggested Dawson. He did have ulterior motives to his suggestion, but he really did think he was right.

Joey looked at Dawson. She knew of all the people to comment on the name, it would be Dawson. The jealousy would rear its ugly head in some form or another. But he did have a point. How would she feel calling his name a million times a day? She knew the answer, she wouldn't feel alone. She looked at Dawson almost motherly, "That did cross my mind Dawson. But you see it wouldn't make me melancholy at all. It would be like he'd be with me."

Dawson understood begrudgingly. She was right. It was going to be comforting calling out 'Pacey' again. They'd been friends for such a long time. This little guy was his legacy and that's why, the question he was about to ask Joey, was vitally important.

He moved over to her and sat next to her, smiling. He grabbed her hand and started speaking, " Do you remember when we were 8 and we played mums and dads," Joey nodded smiling nostalgically, "it was so much fun. Joey, Pacey was my best friend, notwithstanding what happened between us, I never stopped loving him." Then he got nervous and stood up and started pacing, "I didn't think it would be so hard, I mean I practised and practised." Then he stopped and abruptly turned to Joey, "Marry me and let's give this little boy a family, Joey. We'll raise him together sharing our Pacey stories with him. He'll be raised by a mum and dad who love each other and who loved his father. I know that I'm not the one you imagined ending up with, but our love is strong too Joey and we'll make it work."

Joey was dumbfounded...whoa! Dawson had proposed! She remained speechless and Dawson panicked. "Too soon?" he asked.

"Ummmm...," said Joey shaking her head in disbelief, "it's just so out of the blue Dawson. And yeah..it's too soon. I haven't had a chance to mourn him properly. Give me some time." She saw his face light up.

"Well at least it wasn't a no..." said Dawson trying to hide his hurt ego. "But I want you to know that whatever you need, I will be there for you and ...Pacey."

He kissed her on the cheek. The kiss lingered for awhile until Joey said, "Thanks Dawson." He left knowing that one day she'd say yes.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Lawrence had visited Pacey everyday without fail. Their friendship was growing and Pacey began to see the lighter side of Lawrence. He was the father he couldn't remember. Pacey had healed well and was ready for discharge, "OK young man the car is waiting," said Lawrence.

Pacey looked at him quizzically, "Why?"

"You need a lift home and I've taken the liberty of hiring a nurse as well," exclaimed Lawrence.

"Thanks Mr Edwards, I'll accept the car ride but the nurse...I'm ok and I don't need one. I've got roommates just in the likelihood that I may need help..." said Pacey when Lawrence interjected.

"Speaking of...why don't you stay at my place for a while," suggested Lawrence.

"No thanks...I need to find my own way," said Pacey reeling with guilt as he refused an opportunity anyone would have taken.

"Oh I understand...I'm sorry if I've been too overbearing and controlling. You take the car, go home and maybe we'll catch a game next week," said Lawrence heartbroken, "see ya kid!"

Lawrence left and Pacey felt awful but he needed time to think and regroup.

**A couple of weeks later**

"So the board meeting went well?" asked Peter organising the appointment sheet for the day.

"Things are fine...usual grumble about this and that, but fine. Busy day?" asked Lawrence eying the long appointment list.

"I'm afraid so Lawrence. Have you spoken to Tom lately?" asked Peter trying to avert Lawrence's gaze.

"No...I don't know what to do Peter. I need to say thank you for saving my life but he doesn't want anything!" said Lawrence frustrated.

"You know I was thinking. You're offering things and money, the kids got pride, Lawrence. Why not make it seem like he's doing you a favour? Offer him a job here and make it see, like it's a employment drive...you know seeking new recruits," Peter said smiling at Lawrence.

"Why didn't I think of that? You're brilliant. Get a hold of him, get him to come down, cancel my early morning appointments and get me the Dean of Columbia...oh and did I say you're brilliant," he said excitedly.

The phone rang and rang. Everyone was out and Pacey was in the shower. He turned the water off and heard his phone. He grabbed a towel, wrapping it around himself he slowly trudged to his room, the stab wound still tingling and answered it, "Hello?"

"Tom, it's Peter. How are you kid?" said Peter

Peter's voice made Pacey smile, "Hey, what are you doing up so early? The man's got you working hard. I'm good, what's up?" asked Pacey genuinely pleased.

"He needs to see you this morning. He has a really tight schedule. Can you come down?" asked Peter in his business voice.

"OK...I'm on the afternoon shift. I'll be there in 15 mins. Peter, is he alright?" asked Pacey worried that the old man was sick.

"He's fine Tom. See you soon."

Pacey knew the way all too well. He rode his bike to the building. He stood outside for a moment. His eyes glanced at the place he was injured, at the place he saved Lawrence's life. It still chilled him and his wound tingled more than before. But he shook it out of his mind and walked it in. There was that security guard that fobbed him off on that tragic day.

"Well, hello security guard. Good to see you still have your job. I'm here to see Mr Edwards," said Pacey goading him.

The security guard recognised him and gave him a 'don't mess with me look', "Have you got an appointment?"

Here it was and Pacey was going to enjoy the look on his face, "Yes kind sir, I do. Name is Tom Roberts."

To the security guard's utter dismay, he offered Tom a security pass, "Level 32."

Relishing in his petty victory, "Thank you kind sir!" Pacey took the pass and smiling went to the lifts. He was still running through reasons why Lawrence wanted to see him. It had him puzzled. He arrived at the floor and was greeted by Peter who was waiting for him.

"Well Tom, welcome. Lawrence is waiting. This way," Peter said and led the way. They walked down a wide and long corridor until they came to two huge doors. Peter swung them open and he saw Lawrence on the phone with the whole of Central Park behind him. Lawrence motioned him to come in. Pacey found a chair and sat down as Peter sat in a chair adjacent to his. They waited as Lawrence menacingly spoke into the phone. Pacey raised his eyebrows at Peter who sat nonchalantly. Finally Lawrence put the phone down and addressed Pacey, "Hello kid, how are you?"

"I'm well Sir," said Pacey rather floored by the whole experience.

"Overwhelmed? This is the first time you've been here. Amazing isn't it?" said Lawrence rather please with himself. "I asked you here for a reason. A position has come up as a junior in the firm. The job prerequisites is that the applicant attends college. I thought that I'd offer it to you first before we begin the onerous task of interviewing, something Peter and I dread."

"Don't you have people that do that?" asked Pacey.

"No Peter and I do all the hiring and firing...so what do you think Tom?" asked Lawrence.

"I don't know..I never thought of law as a career, haven't really thought of anything as a career and college WOW!" exclaimed Pacey bamboozled.

"The reason you came to mind Tom is that you're bright, affable and courageous. People like you, and you have the gift of the gab, you will win trials just based on those two qualities. Not to mention you're intelligent and you have integrity. You are my first choice Tom. No need to make a decision now. Think about it and give me a call no later than tomorrow afternoon," said Lawrence not trying to seem too forceful. This had to be his decision. He needed to downplay it.

"With the college part of the deal..." asked Pacey sullenly, worried about the cost and the lack of any schooling documentation.

"All expenses and tuition paid by the company. You'll be attending Columbia of course so you'll be close to work. I'm close friends with the Dean," explained Lawrence.

Pacey was floored and in total shock. It was a great opportunity but he needed time to think, "I'm going to go now and I'll ring you." Without saying goodbye or thank you, he left. The doors closed behind him and Lawrence and Peter burst out laughing.

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	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

There are moments in one's life that define you. That decision that takes your life in a whole new direction, almost like a parallel life. This was one of those moments. Pacey couldn't say no. He thought about it and just couldn't say no. This would give him a chance to build himself a life.

"Edwards and Partners, Melissa speaking. How may I help you?"

Pacey picked up the phone, "Yes..um. I'd like to speak to Mr Edwards please."

"Mr Edwards is occupied at the moment. May I take a message?" she said rather annoyed.

"He's expecting my call...I'm Tom Roberts," said Tom rather nervously.

There was a pause and suddenly the was an apologetic voice came through the other end, "Oh yes Mr Roberts, I apologise profusely. One moment please I'll put you through," Pacey was taken aback.

"Hello Tom?" said a rich wise voice from the other end.

"Mr Edwards...good morning. I have decided to accept your offer," said Pacey excitedly.

Relief ignited Lawrence's face and he tried to keep his excitement at bay. He paused and took his voice down a notch, "Well that is good news Tom. You saved us a lot of work. Now if you could come in sometime today, personnel will get you sorted out and you can start tomorrow. Regina will show you the ropes. Good luck kid." With that he hung up the phone. He knew Tom would see it as rude or indifferent, but Lawrence knew what he was doing.

Pacey didn't even have time to say thank you and he felt disappointment. He expected more attention or fawning from Lawrence but there was none. He felt alone and almost betrayed. But he rationalised it as a busy man having higher priorities...after all this was a chance of a life time.

From that fateful moment, a prodigy was born. Pacey went onto a stellar academic and professional career. He became quite famous in New York. He was renowned for both his trial wins and his ladish escapades. Pacey became part of the New York lifestyle and his presence at parties was highly sort after. He made the social pages, day in and day out, dating one supermodel after another. Women fought to be on his arm. But no one came close to being the right woman for him.

15 years had past and Lawrence had handed over the reigns of the company to Pacey. He still attended board meetings and consulted on some legal matters of old friends, but Pacey ran the show and he ran it well. One day after a financial board meeting, Lawrence suggested that he and Pacey go for lunch.

"Lawrence I'd love to but I've meetings all afternoon and I need to prepare for the Ashley Croft arraignment," spoke Pacey busily shuffling papers into his case and checking his phone.

Lawrence stood up and looked at Pacey sternly, "You will have lunch with me today. Have Gordon look after your afternoon and Ashley Croft will get her arraignment with or without you."

Pacey understood that tone and he nodded. Lunch was on. They went to the Russian Tea Room. Pacey relaxed his shoulders and sipped on his vodka meanwhile Lawrence looked at him with a satisfied but enigmatic smile, "Who'd think 15 years ago Tom, that we'd be here?"

Pacey didn't know where this was going. Was Lawrence going to tell him that he had a terminal disease? He looked worried. "Why so worried Tom?" asked Lawrence, putting down his scotch.

"I don't know...is there something wrong? Something you want to tell me?" asked Pacey tentatively.

Lawrence smiled and scoffed, "No son...nothing like that. I'm just an old man who wants to pass on some advice based on experience. You see before I met you, I had resigned myself to a lonely life, an incomplete life. But that's not the case anymore. Tom you need to find a partner to share your wonderful life with. Don't follow in my footsteps...find her, love her, adore her and be complete."

Tom's eyes glistened. Lawrence had spoken with such passion and honesty. He was right. He had achieved so much in a number of years and yet there was no one to share his achievements and joys with. Lawrence was right. "Ok old man, what do you suggest I do, take out an ad?" asked Pacey facetiously.

"First of all slow down and stop dating those...models, party girls, '1-want-15mins-of-fame-girls' then try to find a diamond in the rough. She appear out of nowhere. Someone who will win your heart, Tom," said Lawrence passionately.

Pacey nodded, looked away to the entrance pondering his next word. Lawrence had been like a father to him and he deserved the truth. "It's not that I don't want to find someone to share my life with...but Lawrence, the truth is that I think I already have...or had. It feels like my heart is already taken. That's the whole reason behind the partying and the society wing dings...to see if the feelings would change, but it doesn't. Everywhere I go, I expect to see the woman who stole my heart and the funny thing is that I don't even remember if it happened at all or who she is. I'm blind and looking for my heart's thief."

Lawrence was taken aback. This was the first time in a long time that Tom had spoken about his past, or lack of. He knew he needed to tread gently, "I'm sorry son...I really am. I had no idea. I can't offer any advice, this problem as all your problems have been, is complicated. Go with your heart and when fate intervenes, grab onto the moment."

Pacey nodded, and raised his glass to a toast, "To memories, the good and the bad!" They both drowned their glasses and asked for more. The lunch turned into a dinner followed up by a very liquid supper. Tom made sure Lawrence went home safely then tried to get home himself. He muttered his address to the taxi driver, who grumbled and sped off making Pacey's queazy stomach even more volatile.

Morning came and Pacey felt the repercussions of the previous night. The headache, the nausea...and did he mention the headache. But he knew he had a full day and he took pride in his work, so he showered, made himself a hangover remedy and left for work. Whilst in the back of a nondescript taxi wearing dark sunglasses, his phone rang and Pacey jumped. Ohhhh the noise. He reached into his suit pocket, retrieved his phone and answered quietly, "Hello."

"Oh dear boy...you sound awful!" said an amused voice on the other end.

"Lawrence?" asked Pacey confused and bewildered that Lawrence sounded normal.

"Yes...how are you or shouldn't I ask?" Lawrence questioned his protege.

"Seen better days thanks to you...what can I do for you?" asked Pacey still questioning his decision of getting out of bed.

"Sorry to do this, son, but I can't come in today...routine appointment with the doctor and all...I had forgotten. I have a dear friend's daughter coming in to finalise some legal matters after the passing of her father. I was wondering if you could oversee this appointment for me. It's at 9. I've taken the liberty of contacting the client and informing her of the change. She's a lovely person...treat her well. Her father was a dear friend," said Lawrence not really expecting an answer.

"Oh so you I really don't have a choice. Are you matchmaking?" asked Pacey annoyed. Last thing he wanted today was playing games with the opposite sex.

"No she's married. I need you Tom. I need your warmth and understanding," said Lawrence quite honestly.

"OK ok...I do it. But you owe me one...bye," and Pacey hung up. Crap it was 8 o'clock and he hadn't even seen the paperwork. But knowing Lawrence who prepared everything so meticulously, it would only be a matter of explaining the legal details.

_**Meanwhile in Capeside**_

"Oh Joey come with me. I'd really love the support and the company. The appointment is only for an hour and then NY is ours to enjoy. We could take in a show and have dinner. A couple of days away from the kids and the husbands...come on," Jen pleaded.

"But I need to complete the Wednesday edition.." said Joey trying to find excuses whilst pushing around papers at her desk.

"Kit can do it. He did it last time when you got married and everything was fine. You haven't had a holiday in ages. This will be great. In addition to that Dawson's home what...for a fortnight before the next season of his show starts and he needs to go to LA. He can look after Pacey. They get on so well after all he is his father, Joey," Jen continued to try to persuade Joey. Her eyes so doey.

Joey stopped and looked at Jen. Jen was right. She needed a break and NY would be great. "I'm not saying yes yet. I need to talk to Dawson and Pacey first and..." she was interrupted by Jen's whoa whoooooo! Joey just looked at her and shook her head, "Ok so it's a yes!"

Jen and Joey had become like sisters. 15 years and life had not passed them by. Jen was married to local lawyer, Hank Maddsen and had 2 kids. She had gone to college and graduated with a degree in Social Work. She was working for the state and relishing in her work. Joey had graduated with a Communications degree and was editor of the Boston Review. She and Dawson had only been married for 6 years. The union was good, giving them both love, friendship, safety and stability. It also gave Pacey jnr. a male role model...a father. Life was good...she was happy but not ecstatic. Every morning she woke up thinking about him, thinking about what they had shared and what life took away from them...every morning she longed for him. Time had not completely healed all wounds.

But this morning was different. She felt strong, enthusiastic and hopeful. She was going to NY with Jen and she WAS going to have fun.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Pacey trudged upstairs, still donning his sunglasses and carrying a super large coffee. "Morning Penny," he drooled as he walked straight into his office dimming the blinds. Penny smiled. She'd seen him like this many times..he'd be ok. She'd give him 10 minutes and then she'd go in. Pacey sat in his leather chair, removed his glasses while his eyes squinted and sculled his coffee. Whilst finishing the last drop, Penny walked in bringing with her freshly brewed coffee, "Good morning Mr Roberts...would you like some paracetamol as well?"

Pacey looked up at her and smiled like a child with his hand in the cookie jar, "You are so good to me Penny...no I had some before I left. Thanks for the coffee."

She pursed his lips together, "Ok then...your first appointment is at 9...Mrs Maddsen...Mr Edwards' friend. Will I send her in as soon as she arrives?"

Pacey poured himself some fresh coffee. He'd be bouncing off the walls today, he thought. "Yeah thanks fine...and the file?" he asked switching into lawyer mode.

"On your desk sir," said Penny extending her hand, "Will that be all?"

"Thanks Penny," Pacey said quite sincerely. She was great, a fantastic personal assistant, smart, witty, attractive...but married. Strike 1, he thought.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jen and Joey had had a wonderful flight the day before and had enjoyed the spoils of the Soho Grand Hotel...pool, sauna and spa. Jen had decided to go to the meeting alone not having the heart to wake Joey. She wanted her friend to enjoy the rest. So she took a taxi to Manhattan. She entered the building and entered a lift that zoomed up to the office of Tom Roberts. Jen was a little annoyed to have to go through all of the details with a new lawyer, but she understood Lawrence's situation. After all she had been assured that he was the best New York offered. The lift came to a stop, it opened and the atrium was amazing; marble, whites and creams, flowers everywhere and light...the place was drenched in light. Jen was impressed. She collected herself and walked over to a very attractive young woman, "Good morning, I have an appointment with Mr Roberts at 9...Mrs Maddsen," said Jen demurely.

"Oh yes Mrs Maddsen, Mr Roberts is waiting for you...please come this way," said Penny. She stood up and click-clacked her way to two huge doors made out of glass. On the left door, simply engraved was Tom Roberts, Attorney at Law. He had his back turned to the doors and was on the phone. Penny knocked and opened the door and showed Mrs Maddsen a seat, the excused herself. Jen waited patiently but not for long. Suddenly, he ended his call and spun round getting out of his chair and doing up his blazer, then extending his hand, "Mrs Maddsen, good morning. Sorry to keep you waiting. A bit of a crisis but all under control. I'm Tom Roberts."

Jen's face went white and she felt the whole room spin. Pacey moved quickly next to her, "Mrs Maddsen...Mrs Maddsen are you feeling well?" asked a panicked Pacey. Receiving no answer only a long intense stare, he went over to the mini bar and poured her a drink of water. But everywhere he went so did her eyes...her intense stare followed him and her mouth gaping open. He gave her the water and sat on his desk. They stared at each other. "Mrs Maddsen...would you like me to call a doctor?" asked Pacey. This woman, described by Lawrence as being lovely and sweet, seemed like a psycho.

Jen's hands were trembling, the glass shook but she managed to raise it to her lips and take a sip. The room stopped spinning but the face was there, 15 years older but the face...it was PACEY! Tom sat on the corner of his desk frantically worried, and Jen just stared. This moment lasted for 10 long minutes before Jen composed herself and spoke first, not noticing the tremble in her voice, "I'm so sorry Mr Roberts. I really don't know what came over me. I must have scared you."

Pacey stood up and poured more water into her empty glass, then replied warmly, "It's quite alright Mrs Maddsen. It's not everyday I have a beautiful woman swooning in my office...would you like to resume the meeting at a later date?" His charm had not diminished in 15 years and that smile, the Pacey smirk was still there and now even more endearing. Jen looked at him and smiled knowingly. She had found him, she had found Pacey. But he hadn't recognised her...why?

"No...really I'm fine Mr Roberts. Please let's continue," she said as she nursed her glass of water. She smiled and Pacey was overwhelmed by the sheer honesty of it. He held her glance for several fleeting seconds, confused as to her demeanour. It seemed like she was hiding something. He shook his head and shook out those thoughts. The morning had become suddenly interesting and intriguing.

"Now that seems to be all. I'll have these notarised and filed Mrs Maddsen. Will there anything I can help you with?" asked Pacey as he capped his Mont Blanc fountain pen and shuffled the documents into a pile.

Jen raised her head, "When Lawrence said he couldn't meet me today, I was rather put out. But it was a pleasure doing business with you Mr Roberts. I hope you don't find this impertinent, have you always lived in New York?"

Pacey looked up and wondered why the question. He had never hid his past and he didn't see a need to start now. However, Jen did make him feel nervous and anxious. "No...no. I arrived here about 15 years ago," he answered. He got the feeling that this was leading somewhere after all he was the interrogator of interrogations.

"Where from?" asked Jen again smiling trying to hide her excitement.

"Around...I travelled a lot. Anyway Mrs Maddsen it's been a pleasure," he said putting an abrupt end to the 20-20 questions as he rose and started to escort Jen to the doors.

Jen stood and shook his hand, "No it's been my pleasure." She smiled and exited his office. Pacey was left dumbfounded. He had no idea what transpired in his office or why he had this unusual feeling in the pit of his stomach. His hands felt clammy...maybe it was just the after effects of the night before. He shrugged off the feeling and settled back into his chair for the next appointment.

Jen walked out of the building beaming. The euphoria and elation she was feeling made it feel like she was walking on air. She had found Pacey. After all the heart ache and the sorrow, he was alive. He was as handsome as ever and so much more distinguished, charming and cute...yes cute! The next question she posed herself was, what to do with the information? Should she tell Joey? Jen didn't think she'd stand the shock. As she caught a taxi, she ran through the facts: Pacey disappeared 15 years ago, so did Tom; they look exactly identical; and he was cagey about his past. She needed to find out more and the only person who could help her was Lawrence. She rang her hotel room. Joey was still in the spa, so she left a message telling her she'd be later than anticipated. Then she asked the taxi to take her to a new address.

Thirty minutes she was at Lawrence's penthouse. Lawrence was surprised but happy to see her, "My Jennifer, how are you dear? Come come and sit down." He embraced her like a grandfather would embrace his offspring and motioned her to sit, "I hope you had a successful meeting with Tom...that's not why you're here is it?"

Jennifer loved this man. He was so sweet and had been such a positive influence in her life when she was a trouble youth. She sat on his leather lounge, but her demeanour was nervous, "Lawrence everything went fine with Tom."

"Then dear, is it a social visit?" asked Lawrence, "we could've gone out for dinner. Imagine the gossips the next day!" he laughed.

"I was going to visit you and catch up but today something extraordinary happened...I ran into a very old friend who disappeared from Capeside 15 years ago and I need your help," she looked at him with a 'little girl lost' look.

Lawrence was taken aback and was suddenly very curious, "I'd do anything for you my dear...who is this fellow?"

Jen looked at him almost apologetically whilst wringing her hands, "It's Tom."

Lawrence's eyes widen and his face went white, "My Tom?" She nodded. He composed himself and sat further back into his chair, rubbing his cheek and chin in amazement, "My Tom? How?" he asked again.

"Yes...you see 15 years ago, a dear friend Pacey Witter decided to sail the east coast for the summer in a boat he rebuilt himself called the "True Love". It was at first an adventure, then it became an excuse to try to forget the love of his life who chose his best friend. The next thing we hear was that his ship was shipwrecked and no sign of Pacey. The body was never found," Jen explained to a stunned Lawrence. Then she pulled something out of her bag, "This is a photo taken in a rare moment we were all together, that's..." she was about to point to Pacey when Lawrence grabbed her hand.

"I can see him. He hasn't changed at all. This is what he has been waiting for this entire time...waiting for his past to catch up with him...oh dear Lord...you must tell him Jen," exclaimed Lawrence. The old man was so emotional he had tears streaming down his face. But Jen thought back to her question in the taxi, why didn't he remember her?

"Lawrence...I haven't changed that much. Why didn't he recognise me and why the name change? Did we hurt him so much that he had to break all ties?" she asked innocently and a little hurt.

Before he started his story, he needed a drink, "Reginald, a drink for the lovely young lady and myself."

The kind Reginald approached Lawrence discreetly and lowering so not to be heard, "But the doctor..."

"Oh stuff the doctor. I need a drink," ordered Lawrence. Jen smiled. The drinks came promptly.

"Well Jennifer...this is what I know of Tom. 15 years ago I was chartering a cruise ship from St Lucia and that's when I met Tom. He was hitching a ride back to the States. Apparently he was found hanging onto to dear life in the middle of the ocean when some pirates picked him up and nursed him back to health. His head wound was quite nasty, as you saw from the scar. Then one of the pirates was a good friend of my ship's captain and Tom ended up on my crew. Tom has no memory of his past at all. No flashes, no feelings...it's as if he never existed before he was saved out of the water. We got on very well...I enjoyed his company. Anyway we got to New York and we parted ways until fate reunited us again. Tom saved my life. A madmen tried to rob me, he killed my driver and in order to save me, Tom took a knife wound to the stomach but managed to knock the madman out until the police arrived. I owed him my lifelong gratitude. I offered him a job and a college scholarship and the rest he earned on his own. He has become the son.. I only dreamed of...that's Tom's story, Jen," Lawrence finished and took a swig of his scotch.

Jen was dumbfounded...if the story was about anyone else it would've been incredulous, but this was about Pacey, these things happened to Pacey. "We need to talk to him Lawrence...I have to tell him," pleaded Jen.

"Well, he comes running whenever I need him...we've become family to each other I suppose. I'll get him over now...best strike whilst the iron is hot," said Lawrence whilst picking up his cell.

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Pacey was worried about Lawrence's phone call. He sounded elusive and mysterious. He cancelled his mid morning appointments much to the frustrations of Penny, to whom he shrugged his shoulders and smiled, and raced off to Lawrence's penthouse. The ride up to the penthouse seemed to last an eternity. Finally the doors opened, he greeted Reginald quickly but politely and walked briskly into the sitting room, "Lawrence what's wrong? I came as soon as I could. Are you alright?"

Lawrence smiled and broke into a cheeky laugh, "Oh dear boy I'm fine."

Suddenly Pacey's face grew puzzled and angry, "You know I have a busy schedule...don't play games with me Lawrence." Pacey failed to notice Jen sitting behind him.

Lawrence extended hi hand and pointed to Jen, "You are already acquainted with Jennifer." Pacey turned on his heels..oh she had come to complain...great!

"Yes hello again Mrs Maddsen," he said dismissively and feeling rather put out then turned to Lawrence obviously frustrated, "So?"

"Oh Tom you can be impetuous at times, sit down we need to talk," said Lawrence. Tom did as he was told but he couldn't shake the annoyance he felt. "Tom you need to relax...you'll be here for a while, Reginald bring Tom a scotch and the bottle, he's going to need it," said Lawrence mockingly catching Jen's smile.

Pacey was unhappy but he took the scotch and unbuttoned his jacket, "I'm playing now...what's the go?"

Lawrence gestured to Jen, and Pacey turned to face her, "Jennifer has some startling information that might interest you Tom..."

Pacey smirked in annoyance and said, "Really..."

"...about your past!" finished Lawrence taking immense pleasure at Pacey's shock reaction, "Now pick up your jaw, be a gentleman and listen."

"About my past! What on earth does she know about my past? Anyway didn't we agree to let it go Lawrence. It's been so long that it doesn't matter anymore...I don't have time for this," he said. Pacey was feeling ganged up on. They knew something, they shared this secret and he was left hanging. He didn't want to know. He was finally content and life was good. Goodness knows what skeletons this woman was going to dredge up. No, he didn't want to hear. He got up, placed his glass on the french-polished side table, did up the buttons on his jacket and started to leave, "Now if you'll excuse me."

"Young man sit down now! In these 15 years I have taught you how to be a gentleman, respectful and polite. Jennifer has some information, let her speak then if you are still too pig-headed to accept it, you can go," blasted Lawrence. Pacey froze at his outburst. Lawrence never ever raised his voice and this rocked him to the core. He felt embarrassed and berated, he looked at Jen who smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry." Lawrence made eye contact with him keeping his stern face and Pacey sat down.

The air in the room was tense and Jen was the first to speak, "Tom I'm sorry for keeping you from your work but I think what I have to say will interest you." Tom's face was unreadable and cold. Lawrence seemed annoyed. "When I came to your office and saw you...I thought I had seen a ghost. 15 years ago I lost a very good friend in a sea storm. He was declared dead 8 years ago and his body was never found," explained Jen, then she pulled a photo out of her purse, and handed it to Pacey, "this photo was taken before you left."

Pacey's eyes sprung open. It looked exactly like him and the story matched. He looked up at Jen and said nervously, "So you think I might be him...?"

"Yes I do. His...your name was Pacey Witter and these people were your family, your best friends. That's me of course, that's Jack, Andie, Dawson and Joey," her voice hung on the last syllable hoping that name would bring a reaction, but it didn't. "Do recall anybody here?"

Pacey was lost in his thoughts. He had friends, close ones apparently but he didn't remember them, he couldn't remember them. He gave the photo back to Jen and stood up walking towards the window, one hand on his back and the other scruffing his hair, "Tom?" called out Lawrence.

He swallowed, turned trying to hold back his emotions, "You see this is how it begins. This is what I want to avoid. I may be this person, but I don't remember. I see hope in Jen's eyes and the expectation that I will suddenly recall my memories of her and the others, that I will resume being...what...Pacey was it? Then when I don't, I'll see betrayal and hurt. I don't want to hurt anybody let alone people I don't know. I can't do this Tom...I just can't!"

Lawrence could see Pacey's point of view and empathised completely, "I understand kid, I truly do. But you owe it to yourself to explore your background, to see your past and understand what made you who you are." Pacey stared at him whilst he processed everything, then Jen's voice broke his trance.

"Tom...your fears are real and I can't guarantee that people won't be hurt. But it's not your fault, this whole situation is nobody's fault just a cruel twist of fate. Also, we are all adults, you are not responsible for us...but then again this whole guilt thing, is so Pacey...always bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. Let me tell you about who you were and about your family and friends. You were and are still are very much loved. You're always in our thoughts. Speaking for myself, I'm just happy that you're alive Tom and just being in your presence, hearing you speak is heaven. I just want to hold you. Then if one day your memories return, you'll know where home is," said Jen smiling and crying, pleading her case.

Lawrence was so moved by the situation he had gone very quiet. Tom focussed on Jen. He saw everything in her eyes, he saw the love she was talking about and saw the joy. He nodded defeatedly and sat next to her, he put his elbows on his knees whilst his head hung low. Jen grabbed his hands in hers. Pacey turned his head, his cheeks stained with tears, "Trust me Tom, trust me." That's all she needed to say. The next few hours were spent with Jen talking, laughing and joking, whilst Pacey listened and smiled, asking a few questions here and there.

"The whole story seems straight out of a teen drama novella...so Joey had always truly loved Pacey?" asked Pacey.

"Love of her life Tom, but she was lonely and Dawson loved her. It was inevitable that they'd marry," said Jen matter of factly.

"How do you think everyone would react?" asked Pacey coyishly.

"Shock I think at first...remember my reaction, but then happiness and curiosity," concluded Jen.

Pacey breathed in and stood up, stretching his back. He turned to Jen, "I don't think I could face the whole town. I'm not sure I can face anyone really but I should...I know that."

Jen nodded, "I understand...listen what if I give you my address and number. Come to Capeside when you're ready, bring Lawrence if it helps, and stay with me and we can do it slowly, Tom. Until then I won't tell a soul, I promise!"

That sounded great...it really did. He had to face up to his past and this sounded like an excellent method, "OK...deal!"

Jen got up and left, saying her goodbyes, "Who would've thought that this day would've turned out like this!"

This left Pacey and Lawrence, sitting quietly. "So...you seemed a very interesting and a precocious fellow Pacey...16 and doing the teacher!" smirked Lawrence.

"My name is Tom and I don't have any intention of changing it...and yes, I like myself already," he smiled, "I need a drink!"

"Yes, me too...so why don't you go this weekend. See your past, experience it and try and make some sense out of the whole thing," said Lawrence enthusiastically.

Careful not to burst his bubble, Tom said, "I'll think about it."

The work day was nearly over and Tom knew he had so much to finish before he could go home. "Thanks for everything Lawrence...and the drink. I've got work to finish up. I'd better be going," said Pacey as he stood up and suddenly the room started to spin. He dropped his glass having missed the table, spilling the reminder of scotch on the floor, "Gee...it's true what they say, never drink on an empty stomach." The room continued spinning as he grabbed the arm of the chair in which he had been sitting.

Lawrence became alarmed, "Tom...Tom." He got up and moved as quickly as he old frail body would take him. He grabbed Pacey by the shoulders to steady him. Pacey placed his right hand on Lawrence's shoulder and suddenly found the room coming to a stop. Lawrence lifted Pacey's chin and looked at him with great concern. Pacey's eyes were glazed over, he was panting and his scar stood out starkly against his pale skin. The episode was coming to an end as Pacey's breathing slowed and he started to straighten up. Lawrence relented his hold on Pacey when suddenly a deafening scream erupted from Pacey's mouth as he pushed Lawrence away and grabbed his temples. Lawrence finally found his footing and moved over to Pacey again. He couldn't help him. The young man was so strong. Lawrence yelled for Reginald. He came running in to see Pacey collapse on the floor. The thud was sickening. Lawrence looked in horror. Reginald didn't waste anytime and called 911. A grief-stricken Lawrence went over to Pacey and bent down. His aged hands, moved nervously towards Pacey's cheek. Meanwhile Reginald was down assessing Pacey's condition. Lawrence sat back and watched. Reginald tapped Pacey's face, "Mr Roberts...Mr Roberts can you hear me?" There was no response. Reginald checked his breathing...he was breathing. So he placed Pacey in the recovery position until the EMTs arrived although continued to try to rouse Pacey. "Mr Roberts, Mr Roberts!" said called shaking his shoulders.

A moan was heard, "Goodness man...he's waking," said Lawrence.

"Mr Roberts can you hear me?" asked Reginald. Both men looking intently searching for signs of life. Eyes fluttered and a groan escaped his lips, "Oohhh...my head!"

"Tom, Tom are you alright?" asked Lawrence. Pacey blinked a few times trying to focus on the 2 men kneeling in front of him, then clutching his head he tried to pull himself up. Reginald grabbed him under the armpits and helped Pacey into a sitting position.

"Yeah...thanks Reggie. What happened?" asked Pacey.

"You lost your balance and then your head started hurting and all of a sudden you lost consciousness, Tom," explained Lawrence trying to hide his concern, "The ambulance is on its way. Sit still!"

Pacey stared at Lawrence and continued to rub his temples, "I'm OK now...maybe it was drinking on an empty stomach." Reginald helped Lawrence up and Pacey started to get up, when his legs gave out from under him, "Oops!"

Lawrence could hear the sirens, "Stay down...the EMTs are here. Reginald please show them in."

Pacey gave Lawrence a look. This scared Pacey and it scared Lawrence too.

The EMTs rushed into the room. "Sir, can you tell me what happened?" asked the female EMT, whilst the younger male EMT started compiling Pacey's vitals.

"Umm...?" mumbled Pacey.

"It seemed that he lost balance and couldn't stand, then when he finally stood he was assaulted by a fierce head pain and then he lost consciousness," said Lawrence.

The female EMT looked at Lawrence and took in what he had said, "Are you sure he lost consciousness?"

"Yes," replied Reginald, "I'm trained in CPR and First Aid. I conducted the DRABC and he was unresponsive for at least 10 minutes. He continued breathing throughout the whole event. He only just regained consciousness."

The EMTs conducted their assessment when the female stood up and spoke to Lawrence, "He needs to go to the hospital for scans and tests. His blood pressure is quite high and his pupils are still sluggish in the responsiveness. I can't tell you what happened Sir."

Lawrence nodded, "Fine...I'll follow in my car," then turning to Reginald, "Have Oscar bring the car around." Reginald nodded. Again...was the only thought running through Lawrence's mind. The hospital again. This young man had come into his life, opened up his heart, gave him hope and it always seemed that it came at a cost.

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	14. Chapter 14

This is a work of fiction. The medical mumbo-jumbo is purely fabricated for the sake of the story so please don't nit-pick it...;)

**Chapter 14**

Pacey's patience was wearing thin. He had been pricked and probed, CT scans and ultrasounds, x- rays, blood tests...he was tired and sore and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep. But the doctors and nurses kept coming in asking the same questions over and over again...did you eat recently? How much did you drink? When did you suffer the head trauma? Is there any case history of brain tumours in your family? AARRRGGGHHHH! STOP! Finally after 4 long hours he was left alone until Lawrence and the doctor entered his room. Lawrence looked tired and Pacey knew it was all his fault. Guilt swept over him.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" asked Lawrence putting up a brave front.

"Like a science experiment...can I go home doc?" asked Pacey flashing a half-hearted smile.

"Mr Roberts, I'm sorry the testing has been excruciating but it was necessary..." said the Doctor pulling up a chair.

Pacey looked around, noticing Lawrence's expression and the fact that he sat next to the doctor...ganging up on him that's what they were doing. Something was wrong but he didn't care. He just wanted to go home away from the hospital, "So may I go home?"

"No, not until you hear me out," said the Doctor. "We couldn't find any specific cause for what happened to you today. We found some cell damage which we can only a due to some sort of head trauma you may received and that wasn't attended to. The blood circulation is slow and intermittent around that part of the brain and there may be serious side effects. The increased blood pressure to that part of the brain caused by emotional stress like the one experienced today, may result in a higher risk of an aneurism, a stroke or a similar event. You need to be vigilant Mr Roberts and careful." Then the doctor nodded and left.

Pacey took it all in and realised what a mess his life had become. For 15 years he took what came and relished in the roller coaster that was his life, dodging death at every corner. After 15 years, he had finally given up looking for his past, when it came looking for him, and with that the possibility of death. What could he decide? What could he do? Everything he had achieved and the person he had become, were more than he could've imagined. He was happy, truly happy. But deep in his heart, when he heard Jen talk about his past and the people and the history, all he wanted to do was see it for himself, meet them, talk to them...connect with people who had loved him. But in order to do that, he'd face the possibility of his life ending, tragically before it had a chance of starting again.

The information the doctor relayed hit Pacey harder than he thought. He remained dazed for minutes afterwards. Lawrence could do nothing but be there for him until Pacey was ready to go home. After what seemed an eternity, Lawrence spoke quietly, "Your decision at this moment must be hard. The choice has now become a life and death decision. But Tom, if you stay giving up on the possibility of ever knowing your past, remember it always has a way of creeping up on you. Events might turn so that your memory does return without you having visited Capeside and the horrible eventuality occurs. You'd feel cheated. You need to ask yourself, is knowing, worth the risk? Whatever your decision, I'll support you 110%."

Pacey listened intently as Lawrence's words were always wise and just. He was right. Not knowing, not visiting Capeside, not opening up Pandora's box wouldn't guarantee him anything...the doctor said it was something that could happen. He wiped the single tear from his left cheek and looked at Lawrence, who smiled ever so lovingly, "What would you do?"

"Ahhh...you can't ask me that Tom?" remarked Lawrence.

"I'm not asking for advice. The decision will always be mine. But I respect you and I need guidance...what would you do?" pleaded Pacey.

Lawrence prised himself out of the chair, rubbed his back and met Pacey face to face, "You have become like a son to me. All I want for you is to be happy and the last thing I want to see happen is to lose you. But Tom, our past enriches who we are, gives us conscience, soul, humanity. If I were you I'd risk it and enjoy the adventure and then _che sera` sera`. _You know better than me, life is there to be lived not observed."

Pacey heard his words loud and clear. He looked at Lawrence and suddenly he found himself leaning on the old man, head on his shoulders sobbing like a baby. Lawrence just held him. This boy had saved him from himself. He entered his life just when Lawrence thought that there was no more to life and opened up a new universe. Now it was time to guide him, to be the man he always thought he was, to hold him and support him. Stars burn brightest before they die...

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After the incident of the day, Pacey had had a dreamless sleep due to some good narcotics. He had stayed with Lawrence. He rose from the enormous king size bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes and plodded to the kitchen. He felt ravenous. He opened the fridge and started pulling out milk, juice, bread then he heard, "U hum." Startled his head popped out of the fridge, it was Reginald brandishing a huge smile, "Glad to see you up and about Mr Roberts. Breakfast is served on the terrace if you're hungry."

Pacey smiled sheepishly, "Thanks Reginald...oh thank you for your assistance yesterday."

"Think nothing of it Sir. I'm glad you're better," replied Reginald starting to put the items back in the fridge.

Pacey walked out onto the terrace and saw Lawrence siting drinking coffee talking quite animately with Peter. "Oh Tom how are you today?" asked Lawrence.

"I'm good. Sleep helped a lot," then turning to Peter and moving to shake his hand, "Hello Peter, haven't seen you in a while."

Peter shook Pacey's hand and drew him into a hug, "Been busy. Lawrence told me everything. I'm so sorry kid."

"Yeah...I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but it's the story of my life," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh come now, lighten up! As I see it, you've cheated death twice and three's a lucky number, Tom. Go to Capeside and find out who you are, give your parents and all your family and friends closure...then you can decide what to do," said Peter honestly and unashamedly.

Pacey felt like he had been hit by a freight train and replied, "Gee...don't hold back Peter."

"This is why I've been Lawrence's advisor for so many years. I'm good with making the tough decisions...as long as they're not mine," he said laughing and slapping Pacey on the back, urging him to sit for breakfast.

"But seriously have you come to a decision?" asked Lawrence.

Pacey finished chewing on his croissant and answered, "Basically I should have died during the storm and then the stabbing. I feel like I am living on borrowed time, so why not make the most of it. Yeah I'm going to Capeside, I'm going home."

Lawrence and Peter both smiled because in that moment they saw a glimpse of the young man they met on the boat.

Then in the midst of his waffles Pacey turned to Lawrence, "I was thinking I should talk to Jen again and just give her the heads up, Lawrence, about everything. If something does happen while I'm there at least there'll be someone who knows what's going on."

"That makes perfect sense. I know she is leaving this afternoon. Give her a call and set up a meet. She'll be so happy," said Lawrence. Pacey nodded his head.

He had finished breakfast, showered and dressed. He felt well and the events of yesterday seemed so far removed almost forgotten. This gave him hope for what was to come. He picked up his phone and rang the hotel, "Goodmorning would you put me through to Mrs Maddsen please?"

"One moment please," answered the receptionist. Pacey waited patiently, then all of a sudden the phone was answered...

"Hello?" asked the voice. Suddenly a moment passed over Pacey. The voice had a assonance to it. It sent a shiver down his back. A moment of insight but then he felt light-headed and all he could think of was 'oh no not again'. She asked again, "Hello, may I help you?" Pacey remained calm and regained his composure. This was not Jen's voice.

"Oh I'm sorry...I'm after Mrs Maddsen," replied the voice. This time it was Joey's turn to pause. The voice she thought, it sounded familiar. She knew this voice. Deep down she knew this voice.

"Yes...I'll get her for you," answered a trembling voice..."Jen there's a call for you!"

Pacey waited patiently then came a voice he recognised, "Hello?"

"Hey Jen it's Tom, Tom Roberts," said Pacey, still reeling from before.

"Oh Tom...how are you?" asked Jen but all she could think of was how close they had come to meeting again. Jen was staring at Joey who had become sullen. Pacey had spoken with Joey.

"Well thank you...look I know you're leaving today but I was wondering if I could swing by the hotel say in half an hour and speak to you before you go?" asked Pacey apologetically.

"Come here? Oh ok..." This was going to be awkward...she had to distract Joey for a while. "I'll see you in half an hour."

There it was done, Pacey thought, no going back.

Jen started to panic. Pacey was coming to her hotel and Joey needed to be distracted. She couldn't see him now. She'd have to find the right time to tell her...but not now. She came up with a brilliant idea.

"Hey Joey...I've got the lawyer coming over before we leave but I forgot to pick up the special order books Hank ordered, would you mind picking them up for me? They're at a book shop called "Words and Pictures" on the other side of town," asked Jen.

Joey popped her head around from the bathroom, "Oh ok...only if you pay for the taxi fare."

"Sure...sure. You best be going," prompted Jen sounding strange and literally pushing her through the door. Joey looked at her curiously but brushed it off.

"See you soon," said Joey and Jen just waved. Now she had to ring the bookshop and place an order...subterfuge was hard work.

15 minutes later and right on time Jen received a call from the front desk, "Mrs Maddsen, Mr Roberts is here?"

"Thank you," she replied and bounded out the door. As she exited the lift, she saw him dressed casually in faded jeans and a body hugging black cashmere mock turtleneck. He was more handsome now than 15 years ago. Pacey had changed for the better. She walked over feeling rather chuffed about meeting this handsome man when he turned around, removed his sunglasses and flashed his Pacey smile.

"Jen...hey. Sorry to inconvenience you like this, but I really need to talk to you," he said motioning to the lounge area located to the far right of the lobby.

"Good to see you too Pacey," she quickly realised her error by placing her hand in front of her mouth correcting herself, "sorry Tom."

He smiled and shrugged it off but she could see it had troubled him. They found two chairs in a quiet corner and Pacey waited for Jen to sit before sitting himself. "I'm sorry about..you know!" she said.

"That's ok...I suppose I have to get used to it...you see I thought very carefully about what you said and as much as I want to run and hide from my past, I can't. There are so many blank spaces that need to filled. I need to know who I was before I can truly be content with the person I've become. In addition to that I owe it to the people left behind..." said Pacey looking quite innocent and vulnerable.

Jen felt like rejoicing, standing on the small coffee table and dancing around, but she made sure her reaction was contained. She didn't want to scare him off. "Well Tom...that's the best news I've heard all day. You'll love Capeside and you'll love the people. There'll be no pressure," said Jen trying really hard to hide her joy.

Pacey noticed Jen's bad acting job but decided not to call her on it. He wondered how she'd react to the real reason behind his visit. "I know. I trust you and this is why I need to tell you this," said Pacey. His face suddenly growing grim and sullen.

Jen saw the change and started to worry and asked, "What is it Tom?"

"When you left yesterday, I had a severe migraine before collapsing and I ended up in hospital." Her face turned white. "Apparently the head trauma I received during the shipwreck left me with residual damage. I got the big lecture about 'you should've gone to the hospital' but I did the best I could at the time...no regrets. However the doctors have warned me that it could reoccur. It's all to do with the amnesia. I wanted to give you the heads up just in case it happens when I'm in Capeside," he said omitting the most important fact, that it could be fatal.

Jen sat speechless, shocked. How much more could she take?

"But regardless I want to see this through and whatever happens happens," finished Pacey looking at Jen waited anxiously for signs of acknowledgement.

A single lonely tear slid down her cheek, then she leaned across and hugged Pacey so fiercely. The moment lasted for ever. Pacey had never ever felt so loved and wanted. She kissed him on the cheek and said, "I can't believe that you'd risk so much for us. I can't believe how cruel and unfair life is and I can't let you do this. I don't want anything to happn to you."

Her reaction surprised him. He took her hands, "You know Jen...I dodged death twice now. It's seems to me that I need to finish something before the end. Maybe it's finding my past or maybe and hopefully it's something in the long far future, but I know I need to do this. The reason I wanted to tell you is that if anything happens, you'd know why...you'd have my back."

"Ok ok...your words sound like you've thought about this long and hard. Come down and stay with me and we'll do it real slow and if there are any signs we'll stop...ok?" she said smiling through her aching heart. "You are brave Pacey...you always have been. Always the first to make the hard decisions and stand by them," said Jen without realising she'd used his real name.

Pacey didn't object to Jen using his real name, it felt right. "That sounds like a plan. I'll drive down tomorrow morning."

Jen nodded, "Great Tom...anyway I need to get going. Plane's in a couple of hours and I still need to pack." He got up and so did she and they hugged like old friends and it felt just perfect. This was it. He watched her go as she waved. Tomorrow...it would all come to ahead...tomorrow.

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Jen was on the plane with Joey and all she could think about was him, was Pacey! "Hey, ever since we've boarded the plane you've had this smile on your face like you're hiding something Miss Jennifer," speculated Joey.

Jen turned to look at her best friend. She knew what had to be said and she wanted to tell Joey so badly but how? Straight and forward, that's how! "Yes...something wonderful happened while you were at the bookshop. I had a meeting with someone..."

"Rea...llly. Something I should tell Hank about?" smiled Joey teasing Jen.

"No, nothing like that. This affects you really...all of us but you Joey," suddenly Jen's face became serious.

"You're scaring me Jen. What's wrong?" said Joey.

"When I went for the meeting with Lawrence, he couldn't make it and a very handsome man took his spot. When I saw him I thought I was having a dream. I kept staring at him, and blinking, staring and blinking. My heart was racing. I think I scared him. It looked like I was having heart attack and it certainly felt like it..."

Joey cut her off, "Jen what are you going on about?"

"Let me finish..." she just didn't know how to spin it, "It's him Joey...it's him. I stared at him for ages and asked him about his past, and he said he had had an accident and he couldn't remember anything. It happened 15 years ago, Joey! 15 years ago!"

Fear surfaced in Joey's face, unbelievable fear. She knew who Jen was talking about, but she had shut that door 8 years ago when they buried an empty casket, surely Jen couldn't be talking about...she just couldn't go there. Then Joey looked at her straight, "Don't go there Jen!"

Jen looked at her with tears, she grabbed Joey's hand, "He's not dead, Joey. Pacey is alive. That's who I met with. I convinced him to come home. He's coming to Capeside. I wasn't going to say anything if he wasn't willing to accept the news, but he was receptive to it. He wants to find out about his past."

Joey didn't know what to say...Pacey alive after all these years. She wanted to see him, she wanted to touch him. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she asked Jen hurt and confused.

"I didn't know how you'd react and I didn't want to scare him off. He's really worried about people having expectations about him meeting them..." explained Jen.

"So what happened Jen...what happened to Pacey?" asked Joey.

The rest of the trip was spent talking about Pacey, the accident, his lack of memory, his life since, his condition, their plan...and the future.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The shifting morning light danced along on the Maserati's dashboard. The road hugged the coastline on one side and the trees lined it on the other. He had left New York and was driving to Capeside, to an uncertain future. Thoughts swam in his head, so many questions. He couldn't compartmentalise the facts of this situation like he did his cases. So the thoughts and questions lingered, at times making him bitter and at times making him grateful.

The car loved the road as the engine revved up and down the gears. His pride and joy was relishing the open road and so was Pacey. The road shifted inland and the scenery changed when his GPS piped up, "Turn right in 500m." That's when he saw the sign...CAPESIDE. He pulled over as a lumber semi thundered past. He sat there and stared at the sign, awaiting a flashback, images anything...but it wasn't to be. He shifted into first and did a burn-out on the gravel as he rejoined the road and turned right.

It was late Saturday morning and the town was lazily busy. People chatting, smiling, coming in and out of quaint shops..it was a quaint town, full of character and charm. But still nothing! He followed the GPS's directions and slowly drove through the town trying to seem inconspicuous but the night blue Maserati received quite a few looks nevertheless. He left the main drag and veered off onto a semi-sealed road. As he drove the road crested and dipped. Ahead of him lay the crystal and calm waters of the creek. The image took his breath away...it was beautiful. The sunshine glimmered on the water as it reflected the majesty of the trees, almost making them dance. It took his breath away. He slowed as the road seemed to lose its purpose and end just before a white house came into view...Jen's house.

Butterflies in his stomach and an impulsive urge to turn back made him rescind his exit, but then he saw Jen bounding out of her house. No turning back now! "Tom...Tom! You made it!" she yelled as she ran towards his car.

Pacey took his sunglasses off and placed them meticulously in a concealed compartment, took a deep breath and step out of his car. He lifted to see Jen and a huge smiled came across his face and he walked towards her, "Hey..." She embraced him like a brother and he soaked up her energy feeling so safe and secure. "This is a beautiful place, Jen...truly beautiful," said Pacey taking in the view and Jen's beaming smile.

"Thank you...Capeside is extremely captivating in summer. Come...come on in. There's no one home. Hank took the kids shopping. We have at least an hour or so. Did you have a good trip?" she asked as she looped her arm through his, pulling him towards her house.

Pacey smiled at her enthusiasm, "It was an amazing drive and the town...it's really nice...looks friendly enough."

Jen smiled knowingly. She opened the front door and led him inside, and said, "Here sit down and I'll make us some coffee. Now I've made some blueberry muffins. You have to eat them because I don't bake and the fact that I did, says a lot." He smiled at her and took a muffin. She turned on the coffee machine and started to make two cappuccinos when she caught a glimpse of Pacey's face. As he took a bite, he grimaced and twitched his nose but forced the mouthful down anyway. Jen laughed, "That bad eh?"

Pacey said, "Maybe they'll be better washed down with coffee. I appreciate the effort. No one's ever made me muffins before." She placed the cups on the table as Pacey asked, "So what did you tell Hank?"

Jen placed her small hands around the mug and answered, "I told him the truth. Everything. He wasn't a local and didn't know our history, so I had a lot to tell him. He's OK with it. You'll like him. He might be the only person that won't have any expectations." Pacey nodded his head, reluctantly smiled and lost himself in his coffee. Jen noticed his unease, "Hey...come I want to show you something." Jen got out of her chair and headed out of the kitchen. Pacey followed her into a huge and light-filled family room. He noticed that everything was in its placed and immaculate part from the video games that had been strewn all over the floor. She followed his gaze, "How many times do I ask him to pick them up? Boys!" She moved over to where a grand piano stood. It was covered in photos, the kids, Jen and Hank's wedding, more and more people he didn't recognise until he stopped and picked up a frame. He found himself staring at himself and five other young people. He looked at Jen and she smiled, "That was taken on Andie's birthday. That's Andie and her brother Jack, well that's me, Dawson, Joey and you." Pacey kept on staring...the faces weren't familiar but they weren't so unknown.

"I can almost sense something...but there's no memory not even a feeling," Pacey whispered whilst placing it back on the piano. As he saw the love his past persona had, he began wishing so desperately to remember. He wanted to remember...he needed to remember.

She touched is hand, "It'll be Ok Tom...trust me."

Suddenly the silence was broken by a cacophony of noise and arguing, "I'm on the PS3 first!"

"No you were on it for an hour before we left, it's my turn," said the female voice.

A door slammed shut!

"Fine you can play but I get 2 hours later," said the male voice.

"No no that's not fair...I hate you!" said the female voice followed by stomping and another slamming door.

However the male voices seemed to be approaching, "Why do you need to be like that? We made a schedule stick to it Ben. Now go and call your sister!"

"No I want to talk to the guy who owns that car. Dad it's a Maserati GranTurismo MC Stradale...no one owns those. They're heaven on wheels. They're like sooo expensive and so fast and soo..."said the boy before being cut off by his father.

"Not now Ben, go and apologise to you sister and tell her to come down. I think we may have a visitor," said Hank. Ben reluctantly trudged off.

Jen was mortified and Pacey's smile turned into a quite chuckle, "Kids!"

Then there at the French doors appeared Hank...shorts and T-shirt, sandy blond hair, receding at the temples, brown eyes, a 3 day growth carrying some groceries. He looked up and stopped dead in his tracks, "Oh hello...you must be the owner of the that 'heaven on wheels'. I swear he could give Jeremy Clarkson a run for his money," he said about Ben.

Jen walked over alleviating Hank of some of the groceries, then looked up at him pecking him on the cheek, "Did they drive you crazy?" Hank nodded shell-shocked. "This is Tom Roberts, Hank," she motioned and took the groceries into the kitchen.

Pacey stepped forward extending his hand as did Hank, "Well hello to you Tom and welcome!"

"Hi Hank...thank you and yes that's mine," said Pacey rather embarrassed.

"Nice car...do you take her out much?" asked Hank.

"No, not really. New York isn't a place for cars of that pedigree. She loved the drive to Capeside," said Pacey starting to feel at ease with Hank. It wasn't hard. He seemed genuine and honest...you know what you see is what you get.

"I bet she did. Come outside and we'll grab a beer and I'll tell you about my baby that I had to give up for the family car...but one day...one day. You drink don't you?" asked Hank.

Pacey nodded and they walked to the verandah overlooking the lake. Jen watched them through the window and noticed how at ease Pacey was and how well he was fitting in. Pacey was home. Tears started to well in her eyes when Ben bumped into her, "Hey mum, Amy won't come down." Then he saw his mum looking outside and his eyes followed hers, "Is that Tom the guy you met in New York...does he own the Maserati? Gee...he looks like Pacey, doesn't he?"

As if in slow motion, Jen turned her tear-streaked face towards her son and dropped the plate, "Mum are you Ok?" asked Ben.

Jen gathered herself. She hadn't seen it, she hadn't thought about it...Pacey Joey's son. If Ben could see the resemblance...She couldn't drop that bombshell on Pacey now. It all had to be done slowly. She wiped the tears from her face and composed herself by hugging Ben, "I'm fine Ben...yes that's Tom and he owns the car. I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll let you have a look and maybe take you on a drive. But sweetie just one thing. I explained the situation to you and you know how delicate everything is..."

Ben shrugged his shoulders, "Ok whatever...could I ask him to see the car now?"

"No now is not a good time...Doug and Jack are coming over. Make yourself sparse huh?" asked Jen, "and try to apologise to your sister. You'll have plenty of time to talk to Tom. He's staying here."

"Cool," and off he ran.

Oh that was hard, thought Jen. Pacey's return was going to be a roller-coaster of highs and lows, laughter and tears. She grabbed the dustpan and started collecting the broken pieces of the plate that had fallen when someone grabs her from behind, "Hey gorgeous!" said Jack

"Hey you!" and they hugged, "where's Doug?"

"Right behind me," Jack pointed to his partner.

Jen looked at Doug whose eyes had hit the mark. They had seen Pacey sitting outside with Hank. His heart constricted and his eyes welled up. He felt it, he felt the connection to his brother. All those years of searching and all those years thinking he was dead, there he was fit, healthy and handsome. Then he looked at Jen, "It's Pacey!"

Jen smiled and nodded, as the tears she suppressed before suddenly found an outlet. They hugged and gave each other comfort. Jack felt the overwhelming emotion as he saw his friend outside, "So coming to Capeside, did it summon anything?"

Jen shook her head, "No unfortunately, but when we were looking at a photo of all of us, he said that it didn't seem unfamiliar. So I suppose that's a start."

Then Doug spoke quietly, "May I go outside and speak to him?"

"Sure, let me introduce you. He's quite skittish about the whole thing Doug. I don't want to overwhelm him. We want him to stick around," explained Jen. Doug understood. She led the way outside.

Hank saw them approaching and Pacey heard more an one set of footsteps, "I think you've got some visitors!" Pacey felt anxious and his face drained of colour. "It'll be Ok Tom. Just be yourself and don't put any expectations on yourself. Remember the are just happy that you're alive. Enjoy it!" said Hank placing a hand on Pacey's knee. Then he lifted his hand and welcomed Doug and Jack, "Hey you two. Come and grab a beer!"

Hank got up and Pacey felt compelled to do so too. He stood and turned to face the visitors. He was shaking...he could stand up in front of the Grand Jury and spout bullshit, yet faced with people from his past, he felt exposed and vulnerable. In that instance Doug's eyes met Pacey's. Doug found his brother at last, he didn't wait for Jen to do the pleasantries but he quicken his pace until he was face to face with Pacey. Before he could say anything his eyes were drawn to the scar, his smile turned to a frown. That was the proof. Pacey felt Doug's pity and touched the scar subconsciously. But then the moment passed and Doug whispered, "Pacey?" he asked looking for confirmation even though knowing full well it wouldn't be coming.

So this was the beginning and it was feeling like he thought it would. People expecting him to know them. But Pacey felt nothing and it devastated him. Then he heard Jen's voice, "Hey Tom...this is Doug, your brother." Pacey flashed **his** smile and Doug knew, he pulled him in close and hugged him so voraciously, Pacey was finding it hard to breathe. Finally he let go, he stepped away and smiled with deep affection and happiness.

"Hey, please to meet you, Doug," said Pacey struggling to know what to say although Doug kept his gaze firmly on Pacey.

Then Jen pointed to Jack, "And this is my best friend, your friend from the day and Doug's partner, Jack."

Jack moved forward. Pacey put his hand forward, but Jack too pulled Pacey towards him and hugged him whilst patting him on the shoulder, "Welcome back man. We've missed you so much. Good to have you home."

"Thanks Jack," said Pacey not knowing what else to say.

The moment had become stagnant until Jen said, "I think boys Doug and Pac...sorry Tom may need a moment." Hank and Jack started to walk back to the house, and Jen moved towards Pacey, whispering in his ear, "You'll be ok, listen to what he has to say...there aren't any expectations, not with Doug." Pacey looked towards her and nodded whilst smiling.

"Do you want to sit down?" asked Pacey politely.

"Yeah I will...Tom I can't even begin to comprehend how hard this is for you, but it's an amazing day for me. I promise not to get emotional," said Doug.

"You know when Jen asked me to come to Capeside, I flat out refused. I just couldn't fathom the idea of letting so many people down, seeing disappointment in their eyes, giving nothing in return when all I'm getting is joy and love. I'm used to being in control, I'm used to orchestrating people around me. I know how they'll react, because they know **me **and I know them, I can deal with that. This is unknown territory for me and it's very disconcerting..." said Pacey trying to connect with Doug.

Doug smiled and relaxed in the sun chair, "You know Tom...no I can't do this. I will call you Pacey because that's who you are." Doug waited for a reaction, but Pacey just stared at him lifting one side of his mouth into a cheeky smile of acceptance. It wasn't the first time he gave into his big brother. Doug saw the permission and continued, "Let me tell you this because it's one of those things brothers share...you knew I was gay before I did. You constantly reminded me of that. I tried to ignore the feelings, mask them. It was when they declared you legally dead that I decided that you had been right all along. You always lived your life truthfully. I came out to honour you. You saw things in people that nobody did and you brought those gifts to a head and celebrated them. If I had listened to you, instead of shutting myself away, maybe you wouldn't have left, Pacey. You were so disappointed when people didn't live their life truthfully...that's why you and dad never got on, that's why Capeside was too small for you. Cool things happened to you because you were always open to them and people loved you for that, Pacey."

Doug wasn't always so forthcoming with his feelings but it felt easy and it felt right. He was talking to his brother, the brother who was assumed dead. He needed Pacey to know how much he was missed and what a special person he had been. "I don't have expectations of you. I'm just thankful that you are alive, Pacey. I want to resume our relationship as brothers. You might think that'll be hard when you have no memories but I have so many to share with you. You're my little brother...more handsome and successful a bit damaged, but still my little brother."

Pacey was overcome with Doug's honesty and candour. He hadn't imagine such a reaction and he was choked up. "What no famous Pacey remark, or witty repartee?" joked Doug.

"The handsome bit...you're sure you're my brother? You're not hitting on me or anything?" said Pacey trying to keep a straight face and trying to hide his emotions.

"Ah, that's better. Now let me tell you about your childhood..." said Doug.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Time is fleeting or so goes the saying, but it did between Pacey and Doug. The two siblings talked and laughed for hours, ignoring the setting sun and the hungry stomachs. Finally Jen had reminded them of reality and that most people had been in bed for hours. Doug had said his farewell, embracing his brother with a promise of coming back and the inevitable visit to his parents. Pacey was tired but had managed to scoff down a sandwich and retire to bed. The day had surprised him. He felt accepted and welcomed, but most of all he was starting to get feelings of familiarity. Things were starting to feel familiar, more like deja-vu, but no memories yet and more importantly no headaches.

The first thing that struck Pacey was the silence, then the chirping birds. There were no sirens, no street machine noise, no traffic noise...only that of feet scurrying quietly. Then the smell of pancakes and bacon and – oh yes- coffee! He widen his eyes to take in the luscious sun rays streaming through the window and reminded himself where he was...Jen's place in Capeside and this was day 2...Sunday. He got out of bed and hopped into the shower, then dressed and went downstairs. The house seemed relatively quiet. He peered around the corners to see the house deserted. He turned around the last corner into the kitchen and saw a note lovingly written by Jen..._"Hey sleepy head. Hope you had a great rest. We're off to Church. See you at 11. Pancakes and bacon in the oven...coffee machine prepped and ready to go. Jen xox."_

He smiled affectionately, being part of a family was intoxicating. He pulled out the breakfast and made himself a long black. He sat on the kitchen stool closest to the TV and starting eating...ummm when did Jen learn to cook like this, he heard himself say. Memory? Was it a memory? Did he remember Jen was a bad cook? He shook off the thought. He turned on the TV and flicked onto the morning news. It was during the weather report that he heard rustling and then footsteps climbing up the porch steps, he heard the screen door squeak open and a young male voice, "Aunty Jen...Aunty Jen."

Pacey stiffened. He had a mouthful of pancakes maple syrup dripping down his chin, when a teenage boy appeared in the doorway. Pacey paused midway and smiled. The boy was taken aback, then he looked embarrassed as if remembering something, "Oh I'm sorry...you must be Aunty Jen's friend from New York. I forgot you were coming this weekend. I'm looking for Ben. I'm Pacey Leary," then realising Pacey(snr) had his mouth full, he continued, "sorry I should really let you finish. Mind if I sit? Is that your car outside? I love the Maserati. Can you take me for a ride? That's imposing isn't it? Mum says I tend to do that. Sorry."

Pacey (snr) was overwhelmed by the kid. He finished chewing and swallowed his mouthful, wiped his mouth and said, "Nice to meet you Pacey, I'm Tom. Ben's not here he's at Church and he'll be back around 11. Yes I am visiting this weekend and that is my car outside and if your mum gives you permission I will take you for a ride," there he got it all out. The boy looked dumbfounded. "Gee most people can't keep up with my questions, what do you do for a living? I bet you're an attorney." asked the boy.

"Good guess...top New York attorney...undefeated! That's how I afford the car," said Pacey (snr) quite smugly.

"Wow...so how long are you up for?" asked the boy sizing Pacey (snr) up.

"A couple of days maybe more depending how things go," explained Pacey (snr) trying to give the boy an answer without giving too much away. He didn't know the boy nor did he recognise the name apart from _Pacey_ being his first name too, but strangely enough there was something familiar and odd about him.

"Ok then...you know you look familiar," he said whilst staring at Pacey (snr).

Pacey (snr) just shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe I have one of those faces."

Pacey (jnr) wasn't convinced but he had things to do, "Nice meeting you Tom. Tell Ben I'll catch him later," the boy said and left through the back door.

That was interesting, thought Pacey. The boy did look familiar and the name...was Pacey that popular in Capeside? Anyway he cleared and washed his breakfast dishes and thought it would be a great opportunity to catch up on some work. He pulled out his laptop and started checking his emails, then he made some phone calls when his mobile beeped call waiting.

"Hey Karl, I've got another call. I'll ring you back with an angle to the closing argument," he switched callers, "Hello Tom Roberts."

"Tom, how's it going down there?" said a welcome voice.

"Hey Lawrence. I was just going to call you. I was just on the phone with Karl talking about the Larson case," said Pacey happily.

"Well I beat you to it. You should leave work alone and enjoy the rest. Karl and his team are quite capable of seeing the case through. Now answer my question, how's it going?" asked Lawrence.

Pacey wanted to cry out to Lawrence, wanting him to come and shelter him from the emotional roller-coaster this trip was becoming but he knew the old man wasn't doing so well, "Things are going as expected I suppose. I've met my brother Doug and his partner Jack who was also a good friend of mine. We had a great talk and he told me stories that seemed unbelievable, but apparently I got up to a lot of mischief when I was younger," said Pacey.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me," laughed Lawrence but continued on a more serious note, "anymore headaches Tom?"

Pacey knew the question was coming, "No..no more headaches or nausea or anything yet. I feel great. The place is wonderful and peaceful and the people have been so welcoming...not like I had imagined Lawrence."

"That's great kid...really great. I hope things keep going well. Ring me and keep me updated, oh and give my love to Jen," finished Lawrence.

"Ok... you take care," said Pacey a little concerned about his mentor and friend. As he ended his call, he heard Jen and the family entering the house.

"Tom! Tom!" shouted Jen whilst dropping her handbag looking for him.

"I'm outside on the porch," he knew he shouldn't have shouted but it felt ok to do. Jen came out and a smile beamed as she saw him.

"Hey how was your morning?" she asked sitting herself next to him.

"Great, thanks for the breakfast. Since when did you become a great cook?" asked Pacey. Jen's face froze.

"How did you not know I was a great cook to begin with just because baking isn't my forte`?" asked Jen ecstatic that he had remembered something.

Pacey looked at her bewildered, "I don't know. I just knew you weren't a good cook. Do you think it might be a ..."

"...memory, yes I do. Tom you're remembering. It's not a lot but it's a start, yeah?" said Jen.

"Maybe, maybe...Lawrence called, he sends his love...Oh and something quite strange happened. While I was having breakfast a kid in his teens, Pacey Leary came around looking for Aunty Jen and Ben. I told him that you and Ben weren't home. We had a chat and he left. Nice kid..smart too!" explained Pacey. He saw Jen's expression change from delighted hope to suspended horror, "What...what's wrong?" asked Pacey.

Jen took a breath not realising that her emotions were displayed all over her face and flashed a half-hearted smile, "Oh that's Joey's boy. He's isn't my blood nephew but we're so close we're everybody's aunty or uncle. Tom I'll be right back, I need to make a call."

Pacey was worried he dobbed the boy in, "Look don't get angry at him. He didn't do anything wrong. He was really polite, Jen."

Jen turned around and smiled, "No it's not about Pacey, Tom. I'm just going to make sure that Andie is coming for lunch. Oh and don't forget Doug's picking you up at 4," then she left. Something wasn't right. Jen wasn't telling him the whole story. This was when a slight ache started to appear.

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As soon as she was out of Pacey's sight, her footsteps got heavier as she stomped to the phone. Her face grimaced. Joey knew the plan, she knew what they had decided on. What was she doing? Trying to sabotage the whole plan? Was she jealous that Pacey was spending time with her instead of Joey? She picked up the phone and pressed the speed dial, "Hello?" answered a silky soft voice.

"How could you? How could you do this Joey? You know how delicate the situation is and you send Pacey over?" Jen yelled at the phone.

"Whoa...Jen stop. First of all I haven't been home all morning, I've been at work. I thought Pacey was delivering papers for Paul. I had no idea. I'm sorry. He knew not to come over. I'll talk to him as soon as he comes home. How's Pacey?" asked Joey.

"He's ok, I think," said Jen, "but you know about the dangers, too much too soon. We could lose him before we get him back."

"I know...I know. Sorry Jen...did he notice anything about Pacey?" asked Joey.

"He didn't say anything, so I don't think so," said Jen.

"So will I be able to see him tomorrow?" asked Joey scared of the answer.

"I can't see why not...sorry about over-reacting, but the situation is just so tenuous," explained Jen.

"Ring me tomorrow and I'll speak to Pacey..love you Jen," said Joey.

"Me too," and Jen hung up the phone and glanced through the kitchen window to Pacey as he was rubbing his temples. Oh god and she rushed outside.

"Pacey...the headaches have they started?" she asked frantically.

Pacey looked up at her and smiled, "You too with the Pacey...I'm ok Jen. Working too long on the computer. I think I need glasses."

Jen didn't buy his story but played along, "Ok then...sorry Tom it is. Please don't lie to me. I don't want anything to happen to you. We just got you back."

He stood up and gave her a hug, "Truly I'm ok," and kissed her on the cheek.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Joey...Joey I'm home," Dawson yelled. Joey had been thinking about Pacey, looking at an old photo when she heard Dawson's voice. It shook her to reality. He didn't know. He'd been working in LA and it wasn't something she could tell him over the phone. She had to do it now before Pacey (jnr) got home.

"Hey honey how was the trip?" asked Joey wiping that last tear off her face when she saw Dawson's bright happy face. He knew something was wrong.

"Hey...what's wrong? Did something happen? Is Pacey ok?" asked Dawson hugging his wife.

"We need to talk," she said whilst facing Dawson, "It's important."

Joey took Dawson to their enclosed porch and sat him down. "Joey you're scaring me!" said Dawson.

She sat down next to him and held his hand. She remembered being in the same position with Jen. But this was different. There had been so much bad blood between Pacey and Dawson, their history was tortured. She wasn't sure how he'd take it and then there was the question of Pacey (jnr). He knew his father had died and Dawson wasn't his biological father but Dawson had raised Pacey as his own and was doing a great job. But she couldn't think of that now...he had to be told.

"When Jen and I went to New York, Jen found someone, someone we thought was gone from us forever," Dawson's eyes started to widen, "I didn't know until the plane trip home. Pacey's alive and he's in Capeside."

Dawson couldn't believe what he was hearing. He ripped his hand from hers and started to pace the floor, "What? We buried him. It's been 15 years for heaven's sake. He's that selfish to disappear and then come back and expect people to fawn all over him and welcome him home. After everything he's put everyone through...Joey please tell me this is a joke!"

"It's not like that, Dawson. He was shipwrecked...oh it's a long story. He lost his memory, all of it and he still can't remember. It was Jen who convinced him. She put 2 and 2 together after she saw him and Lawrence Edwards's law office. He's an attorney, a good one," said Joey smiling towards the end.

"Oh right, our Pacey an attorney? When did he manage to go to college...he found it hard to graduate high school," spat out Dawson.

"Don't, don't you do this. This isn't a time for dredging up the past, it's a time to rejoice that his alive Dawson. You have nothing to feel threatened about! I know it boils down to that, doesn't it. Will I go off with him now? Is that what you're scared of? Grow up and get over it. I'm married to you, I love you. This isn't about the past Dawson. This is about helping Pacey remember, giving him back his past, making him whole." He looked away afraid that by looking at Joey he'd be affirming everything, but she pulled his chin towards her, "You look at me. Let it all go. You will help Pacey as I will. He was your best friend Dawson. He'd do it for you. If he remembers we'll all deal with it then, but until that moment, we'll do what's right."

These were the moments that reminded Dawson why he loved her so. She was completely and utterly right but his fears were real to him. Joey and Pacey had a great love, a love that brought him back from the dead. He knew he had to play this calmly and cooly or else he'd truly lose Joey, "Ok, you're right. I'll help Pacey and whatever happens happens. What about our Pacey? Are we going to tell him?"

"No...not for the moment. We'll see how this pans out tomorrow. Come on sit down and I'll tell you everything," said Joey trying to placate Dawson.

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	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Jen had been preparing all morning and the anticipation of seeing Andie was overwhelming for many reasons. Andie had become a doctor and had worked overseas before settling in Los Angeles and she'd flown over just for Pacey...the love that got away. The plan was for Andie to spend some alone time with Pacey and then Doug and Jack were going to come over.

When Andie heard the news that Pacey was finally and legally declared dead, she suffered a break down. The eternal optimist was no longer. She stopped seeing the bright side of things and became a sad realist. The bubbly and effervescent girl was gone until she received the call that tilted her world back on axis. He is alive but broken, Jen had said. Suddenly she was asking all sorts of questions especially medical ones and Jen had answered the best she could. Not having had the satisfaction from Jen, Andie called in a few favours and got hold of Pacey's file. The scans spoke volumes and now she understood. Pacey was risking his life going home and she was going to stick around. She had to be there if anything happened. She'd help the love of her life because it was the least she could do.

Whilst Jen was preparing the salad, Ben came rushing in with Pacey following behind wearing a defeated smile, "Hey mum Tom said he'd take me for a short spin in the car before lunch, is that ok?"

Jen looked at Pacey and smiled, "Ok if that's fine with Tom but not more than half an hour and no speeding. I only have one son, Tom."

Before Pacey could answer Ben jumped in, "Sure thing Mum...come on Tom," dragging him by the hand and Pacey mouthed a silent goodbye.

xxxxxxxxxx

A while later Jen hears a knock, "Just a minute." As she opened the front door there stood Andie as gorgeous as ever. "Hey Andie! Come in," Jen said.

Andie hugged her best friend, "So good to be back home. How are you Jen and the kids and of course Hank?"

"We're all fine. How was your trip? Tell me about you...work, life...love?" Jen was fishing.

"Oh you know me Jen OCD...all work and no play. I'm a registrar now. I don't have time for other things," Andie said as they made their way to the kitchen. She pulled out a stool as Jen poured them a glass of white.

"Oh Andie that's great news...congratulations but you know there's more to life than just work," said Jen.

"I know...I know. It's just..." Andie tried to articulate what she was feeling.

"You just couldn't get over him and now that he's back..." Jen posed the idea.

"No...it's too late for all of that. I'm just happy he's alive Jen. I can't begin to tell you how many nights I'd lie awake thinking of him. How things might've been different if we hadn't been so judgemental and hurtful. I just keep thinking that the whole thing needn't have happened, you know. But they say hindsight is a great thing. But he's here and that's all that matters," she stopped and her face became serious, "by the way what exactly did Pacey tell you about the episode he had back in New York?"

Jen looked at Andie perplexed, "I told you everything Pacey told me, I swear Andie! Is something wrong?"

Andie took a deep breath and twirled the wine glass between her hands, "Well then he's hasn't told you...us the entire truth," explained Andie. "You know me I'm not satisfied until I know the complete picture. I called in a few favours and got a hold of his records." Jen lifted her eyebrows, and Andie continued, "The scans reveal something more serious, Jen. He is running a great risk coming back, reliving his past."

Jen stared at her in disbelief, "What do you mean, Andie?"

"He could die Jen," said Andie looking at Jen with dewy eyes.

"Well we'll just have to stop that from happening. We're doing this real slow Andie. I know the signs to look out for," said Jen in a defensive tone. She felt as if Andie was blaming her for Pacey's decision to come back to Capeside and placing himself in danger.

"Jen don't get upset...I'm not having a go at you. I just think Pacey should've told you the entire truth. Who else knows about his condition?" said Andie whilst placing a reassuring arm around Jen who found herself trembling.

"No one else, oh, except for Hank," said Jen.

"OK...we'll keep him safe Jen, I promise," an embracing hug was exchanged before Andie piped up, "Is he as gorgeous as ever?"

Jen broke from her thoughts, looked up and smiled at Andie, "Oh Andie, he has aged like a good wine...he's a total spunk," and the girls giggled. Pacey's return had already caused ripples in their little community.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Tom what does this button do?" asked Ben who was fidgeting in the passenger seat, "can you just go a little faster...maybe a burn out?"

Pacey smiled, "Just promise not to tell your mum, ok?" and Ben nodded eagerly and Pacey hit the accelerator. He manoeuvred the car through twists and turns, the road seemed so familiar as he continued. Ben had a huge smile plastered on his face as Pacey pulled the handbrake and spun the car around.

"Man oh man that was so cool!" said Ben looking at Pacey as if he was a god. But Pacey didn't pay him attention for he was looking straight ahead at a beautiful white and blue cape cod house overlooking the lake. It took his breath away. Ben noticed Pacey's distance and said, "That's Pacey's house...the Potter Bed and Breakfast. Joey that's Pacey's mum, she's one of mum's best friends."

Pacey heard Ben's voice and it suddenly woke him out of the trance he had fallen into, "Sorry Ben, it's just really beautiful. Anyway we'd better get home or else we'll be late and then we'll both be in trouble." A slight ache pulsated throughout his head. He took a minute then he ruffled Ben's hair and spun the rear wheels and off they went home. The ride back was quiet. He pulled up to the house and noticed a unfamiliar car...she was here.

"Aunty Andie is here," yelled Ben, "you'll love her. She's great, so funny and she's a doctor. She plays with people's guts," he kept talking as he dragged Pacey into the house. He opened the back door, rushed in as Pacey tried to keep his balance when he came face to face with Andie. Her face became ashen as a single tear escape. Pacey stood dumbfounded. She was beautiful and she was crying. It took his breath away. She wiped the tear and enveloped him in a warm and welcoming embrace.

"Oh Pacey...Pacey...Pacey. You are here. My god, you are here," she said as she let go and held him by the shoulders, "now let me look at you." Her eyes started from the floor and flicked back and forth until it stopped at his face. Gee he was handsome, rugged yet noble then she saw the scar and she frowned. "That must have been a nasty injury?" she asked running her fingers along it. Pacey didn't flinch. It was part of him now.

"It was," he simply said.

"Have you thought of plastic surgery?" she Andie falling into doctor mode.

Pacey felt like he was under a microscope but couldn't help but indulge this mesmerising woman, "Yes but no. It's a reminder of how fortunate I have been and not to take things for granted." They locked eyes and Andie smiled.

"Same old Pacey...I'm Andie McPhee one of your oldest friends and ex-girlfriend," she said.

Pacey looked at her and let out a laugh, "Ex-girlfriend...you'll have stories to tell. Come on come outside."

Jen looked on surprised at what she saw. Andie had brought Pacey out of his shell, a shell that he was so desperately trying to hold onto. She saw them walk out onto the verandah and sit, still laughing and smiling. All she could think of was no headaches so far, but Andie had meant a lot to Pacey. Maybe her presence would trigger something...hopefully.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"So Jen told me everything, the accident and everything that happened after that including your friendship with Lawrence Edwards...Pacey I can't believe what you've had to endure these past 15 years," said Andie touching his hand sympathetically.

Pacey looked at her intently, "I suppose it would've been harder if I knew what I was missing out on, but each day was a new day, an adventure and I was excited. It became a thrill, experiencing some things for the first time and learning about myself. You know Andie, after I had recovered enough I couldn't remember if I liked chocolate or vanilla ice-cream, hell I didn't know if I _liked_ ice-cream. So I just tried to live my life to the fullest, milking every ounce out of it. I was just very fortunate to have Lawrence there every step of the way. He gave me my future and a family. Now tell me about you...and our relationship."

"Just like always Pace, always focussing on the positive. But before I delve back into our history I need to know something. Jen told me about the hospital stint you had after her visit. You see I never leave a stone uncovered and I checked up on your version...you left out some important information," Andie was saying before being cut off by Pacey...

"You looked at my records. How dare you! Who do you think you are?" said an agitated Pacey as he stood up and started pacing, "You can't do that. I will sue you and have your credentials revoked."

Andie waited until Pacey stopped talking. He just stood staring out to the lake, "Yes what I did was unprofessional, I admit that, but Pacey you would've done the same. You see during the time we were dating I went through some emotional and mental problems, severe enough for me to be sent to a psychiatric facility," Pacey turned to face her astonished at her revelation, "you see Pacey, you saved me, you were there when no one else understood or had the courage to help me face my problem. You saved my life, you were my inspiration...unfortunately it also broke us apart...something I still regret. Now that you need help, I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. I saw the cranial scans. I know the dangers you face just being here. Let me return the favour."

Meanwhile Pacey had sat back down, "I didn't tell Jen the entire truth because I was afraid of making the prognosis real...if that makes sense. I guess I was trying to ignore it. But also I didn't want her pity. This place is an emotional volcano as it is."

Andie nodded her head, "It sure is. Any headaches so far?"

Pacey didn't know if he should keep it a secret or tell the truth, "Only between you and me. Not a word to Jen," Andie nodded, "Yeah...twice just slight aches nothing major."

"Ok..." said Andie giving him a hug. Having gone past the awkwardness, they continued to talk and smiles crept onto their faces again. Jen felt reassured.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The meeting with Andie had been exhausting but reassuring. He had a real friend in her, someone he could really rely on. On the other hand, the visit with the family had been excruciating. It had left everyone emotionally exhausted. His parents had their unique way of showing their affection but it was there and it was real. His sisters fawned all over him each one telling their own stories about Pacey and his youth. Pacey had felt overwhelmed and had asked Doug politely if they could leave early with the promise of another soon. He didn't feel he like belonged and he had a funny feeling, it had been like that all his life.

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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Pacey had waved goodbye to Doug and trudged into Jen's house. The house was dark with a solitary light in the lounge room. He knew Jen was waiting up. He walked through the kitchen, whilst grabbing a drink and found Jen. He smiled and moved across the homey room plonking himself into the armchair opposite her. Jen lifted her head from her book, "Hey, hope you don't mind me waiting up for you...how did it go?"

Pacey looked at Jen, "You knew what my family was like, that's why you stayed up. Why didn't you warn me _friend?_"

Jen giggled, "That bad huh? You needed to see them for yourself. I didn't want to cloud your judgement. So how did it go?"

"Wow...no wonder I left," said Pacey. Jen looked at him sadly. "Oh I was kidding. They're an intense bunch but they loved me and I think they still do. I just need their love and care in small diluted doses. But no memories and no headaches." Jen laughed. Her laugh felt so comforting and familiar.

"I stayed up to talk to you about tomorrow Tom...look do I still need to call you Tom. May I call you Pacey?" pleaded Jen. Pacey nodded. "Ok tomorrow Joey's coming over in the morning and then Dawson in the afternoon. Before you meet them you need to know some of your history with you and them. Tomorrow will be hard Pacey, you'll finaly know the real reason you left."

"I want to hear it from them and I'll be ready, don't worry Jen," he said sweetly.

"Oh I do because everything up to now has been relatively easy, but tomorrow..." she stopped.

"I'll cope Jen...you'll be here and so will Andie. Anyway I'm off to bed, night," said Pacey trying to calm Jen's nerves whilst masking his own fears. Jen's eyes followed Pacey up the stairs. She was worried. The history between Joey, Dawson and Pacey was long and complicated, almost like a shakespearean tragedy. She prayed that tomorrow would leave the emotional carnage she imagined.

Pacey thought he had convinced Jen. But as he ascended the stairs, anxiety started to build up and a sheen appeared on his brow. He had no idea what his relationship was with Joey, he didn't know how intense or real it had been... and then there was the question of Dawson. He couldn't think about it now. He needed sleep and that's what he was going to get. He peeled off the layers of clothing and slipped into bed in his boxer shorts, too hot to wear pyjamas. He lay of his back staring at the ceiling. Nothing! With all the memories he had been exposed to he had been able to recall none. This whole endeavour seemed to be fruitless, all this angst and worry, coming into these people's lives, was futile, giving them a false sense of hope. Why did he ever agree to come? Why? He turned to his side and his thoughts wandered again. He did enjoy meeting his brother, Jen, Andie, Jack and of course the Witter clan but he still felt lost and empty, like he didn't belong. Everyone had moved on and there was no common ground. The people in Capeside had nothing in common with him. His life so privileged and so high pressure had distanced him from his roots in Capeside. He shook those thoughts out of his head and tossed onto his other side. Then he thought, perhaps deep down, he really didn't want to be here, maybe he was fooling himself that he really cared about his past. After all what could these people really offer him? With that thought, Pacey's eyes started to droop and sleep overwhelmed him.

"_Thanks for the great sending off, guys!" Images of Jack, then Jen and Andie flashed in his head. Then waves, dark storm clouds rolling in...he felt panic rising, fear choking him. The first wave hit and he felt himself thrown backwards...images of Joey, images of a boat regatta, yelling, shoving pushing..."You could've killed me!"...then drowning, trying to gasp for air, he was drowning, swallowing water..._

Jen had just washed up her tea cup and was climbing the stairs when he heard noises coming from the guest room. She heard tossing and thrashing, then muffled screams then she heard a thud. Jen burst through the guest room door without a second thought and found Pacey on the floor, still thrashing and it seemed to her, as if he was coking, grasping for air. She got down on her knees and grabbed him by the shoulders. She whispered, "Pacey, wake up!" whilst trying to hold him down. She touched his forehead whispering softly, "Come on Pacey, wake up, it's only a dream, sweetie." Pacey's body seem to respond to Jen's touch and it started to calm. She grabbed his hand and stroked his cheek, "Pacey, it's alright, everything's fine. You're safe." Finally his breathing slowed and he opened his eyes with a start. They were wide, blue and frightened. For a moment he seemed lost and confused, but he blinked once and blinked twice and recognition flashed in his eyes, he recognised Jen. "Hey you!" said Jen quietly and gently. Pacey shook his head and started to pull himself up. Jen helped him to a sitting position, "You ok?"

Pacey was embarrassed. Kids had nightmares, not grown men. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you Jen," said Pacey still not making eye contact.

Jen lifted his chin forcing Pacey to look at her, "You didn't wake me. What was it Pacey? What did you remember?"

He had calmed by now and Jen sat opposite him, still holding his hand. "It was a collage, flashes of images. A farewell at the pier...you were there, Jack, Andie and an old lady...then it was the storm, the crashing waves and drowning, going deep and deeper into the water." Pacey had recalled his nightmare, the first onset of memories. He had only wished they could've been more pleasant.

"It's a start Pacey...as terrible as they were, it's a start," said Jen calmly and quietly. "Come on let's get you back into bed."

Pacey didn't object. Jen left tucking him in like a child. It felt good to be mothered especially when he had no memories of his childhood. She kissed his forehead and left. Pacey turned to his side and closed his eyes, that's when it hit. A searing pain behind his eyes, caught him be surprise. His hands went to the sides of his head. It was excruciating. Tears started to escape as he curled into the foetal position until the pain subsided.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The household had been up for hours when Pacey came walking into the kitchen. The night had not been kind to him, sleep had evaded him as nightmares and pain took hold. He looked terrible, "Wow, late night," said Hank.

Pacey glanced up, "You can say that...any coffee?" Hank moved over to the machine, grabbed a cup and offered it to Pacey who drank it voraciously. Hank just smiled. Meanwhile Jen had walked in and froze at the sight of Pacey.

"No luck with sleep?" she asked. Pacey shook his head. "Maybe we should postpone the visit?" she asked tentatively.

It took a moment for Pacey to register what Jen was talking about, then he shook his head again, "I'll be fine. Better to get it over and done with. I need to get home." Jen noticed a sharpness and harshness in Pacey's voice that she'd never heard before, "By the way do you have Andie's number, I need to speak to her."

"Anything I can do?" asked Jen suddenly feeling left out and hurt.

"Sorry Jen...I don't mean to be rude...lack of sleep and all. No I just want to ask her something?" said Pacey going over to Jen and rubbing her arm, showing affection and appreciation.

Jen smiled. She knew it had been too good to be true. The cracks were now starting to show, just when he was going to meet with Joey and the fact he wanted to speak to Andie could only mean one thing...the headaches had started. "Here...she's staying with Jack and Doug, but this is her mobile. I'm sure you'd rather not tell your brother about your headaches," said Jen staring at Pacey calling his bluff, "They've started haven't they?"

Pacey knew he couldn't lie to Jen's face if asked a direct question, "Last night after the nightmare. It lasted for a while..."

"Oh Pacey...why didn't you call me?" aid Jen.

"You're great Jen, you truly are but this is my problem. Unless my memories return there isn't a place for me here. But your life continues. I don't want you to invest any more emotional effort into me than necessary...this is precisely why I shouldn't have come," said Pacey trying to rational about the situation.

"Everybody that loved you and knew you has been 'emotionally invested' as you say. It's too late. We're all in this together, whether you like it or not Pacey," said Jen raising her voice and losing patience.

Pacey backed down. He didn't want to cause an argument, "Ok I guess you're right." He left and headed outside to call Andie.

The phone rang and rang, "Hello," answered a perky female voice. It made Pacey smile.

"Hey...it's Tom..Pacey," said Pacey almost wishing he hadn't rung.

"Hey you...what do I owe the pleasure?" asked Andie then realised there could be only one reason.

"um..." Pacey couldn't answer.

"How bad?" asked Andie, frightened but in control.

"Bad...head's still shell-shocked," answered Pacey surprised at how easy it was talking to Andie.

"I'll come over," she said and hung up before Pacey could object.

Xxxxxxxxxx

She bounded into the house, greeted Jen and Hank, engaging in some small talk and then went to find Pacey who was sitting in his room with the curtains drawn. "Does the light hurt?" she asked as she moved closer carrying her doctor's bag.

Pacey nodded. "Yup...last time was stronger but there were no side effects, this time the duration was shorter but the ache's still there," explained Pacey.

Andie smiled at him, "I need to open the curtains Pacey." he acquiesced. She examined him throughly. "Without scanning equipment...the usual signs are elevated Pacey. Maybe today isn't such a good idea," said Andie.

"No...I need to finish this today. I've got work waiting and I can't breathe here. I need to go home and touch base. You know how that is," said Pacey wincing at the light.

"Yeah I do...ok well I'll hang around with Jen just in case...take it easy Pacey. With what was in the files Pacey, you need to tread carefully...please," said Andie honestly exposing her hidden vulnerable side.

"I will Andie...I will. Come on let's go downstairs," said Pacey.

They were all in the kitchen where Jen was recounting the time when Pacey was in the big brother program when they heard a car pull up. He had seen Joey in photos but the moment he saw her through the window as she climbed the verandah steps, his heart stopped. Jen and Andie noticed the change...love was working its magic. It was undeniable that they shared something ethereal. She walked in looking apprehensive and nervous, then she looked at the three of them sitting at the kitchen bench. That's when the connection occurred. Andie and Jen were irrelevant as her gaze was intent on Pacey. It was Jen who broke the silence, "Joey hey, how are you?"

Joey suddenly snapped out of her trance and went over to Jen and gave her a hug, "Hey Jen!" Then moved to Andie, "Look who the cat dragged in...Andie it's been such a long time. How are you? You look great." Joey's sentiments were well meaning but even a blind man could see that her eyes kept wandering over to Pacey, who sat watching her. Andie didn't bother with the small talk.

"Joey, we'll talk later. You two need to talk," said Andie as she pulled Jen into the living room.

She still couldn't believe it. Pacey was standing right in front of her, flesh and blood. He stood as she approached him. He went to offer his hand when she pulled him in and held him in a desperate embrace. She squeezed and squeezed breathing in is scent and hearing him breath. He didn't know what to do. He decided to let Joey lead the way and he embrace her in return. It felt natural, it felt like home. Slowly she let go and moved back a little just to get a good look at him. He felt transparent. Joey's glance penetrated his soul. "I can't believe your standing in front of me Pacey. You look so well," she said with tears welling up.

Pacey felt awkward. He couldn't deny the attraction between them but he couldn't reciprocate the intense emotion she was feeling. "Thanks...please sit down. Would you like a drink?" he didn't know what else to say.

"No I'm fine," she said, suddenly her hand went to his face. Her fingers traced the scar and and that moment Pacey felt her pain. Their eyes met, "Was it painful?"

Pacey was taken aback. "Yes, for a while it was excruciating until it healed. It's not as bad as it looks," said Pacey trying to keep his emotions in check. He was finding this hard. He didn't remember her but something was stirring inside that he felt he had to sit. So Joey removed her hand and sat opposite him, "Have you remembered anything?"

"No...sensations, feelings but nothing. Nothing concrete. But it's been really nice meeting everyone and discovering my history, really. At least when I go back home I'll have small anecdotes that I can share with friends and Lawrence," said Pacey noticing a sadness creeping over Joey's face, "What's wrong?"

"You don't remember me do you?" asked Joey. Everyone had treaded gently around the subject but Joey came straight out and asked.

"No, I don't. You knew that Jen told you," Pacey answered back curtly.

"I thought that when you saw me, spoke to me you'd remember," said Joey almost offended.

"Joey, I've been without memories for 15 years. Why do you think that all of a sudden, you walk into the room and I remember," Pacey shot back.

"Because of the love we had, because of what we shared Pacey. You were the love of my life and we shared a connection that couldn't be broken," pleaded Joey.

"Really!" _Suddenly he sees flashes of Joey telling him that she had to choose Dawson and his friendship over their love._ "So when you decided to choose Dawson over me, that was true love. You could've ask me to stay, you could've stopped me from leaving. But you didn't. You chose to stay and be with Dawson. You chose mediocre over adventure and true love. This is all your making Joey. I loved you so much that something kept me alive, the same driving force that brought me here, but I don't know why. You didn't fight for me. You broke my heart. You destroyed me when you let me go," Pacey said raising his voice reaching the ears of Jen and Andie.

"_Oh god...he's remembering...he's remembering," whispered Jen. Andie grew frightened._

Joey was shell-shocked, "There were reasons Pacey, you know that. But now I realise it was the biggest mistake of my life. The day you left you took me with you."

"Really..is that so!" yelled Pacey

"Yes, it is. It took me 8 years to move on only after they declared you dead," answered Joey.

"Was that to ease your conscience or Dawson's?" said Pacey acerbically.

"No it's because I needed a father for my son," Joey let slip.

"You have a son?" then it clicked, "The boy that came here...Pacey. You're kidding? He's mine!" said Pacey disbelieving his own voice but finding confirmation in Joey's silence.

Joey stood right in his face, "The night we spent together before you left, that wonderful night when we both accepted the different roads our lives were taking, we conceived him. Our beautiful boy and it was because of him I endured the heart-breaking pain of your loss Pacey. He knows his father died and he knows Dawson isn't his dad. We all have told Pacey stories of you. We've kept you alive through him. Our love was so strong it gave us a son."

Pacey suddenly didn't know which way was up, "You're lying!" he accused her.

"No I'm not!" she rebuttaled. He stared at her.

Then a male voice spoke, "No she's not!"

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	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

They both turned to see Dawson standing in the doorway. "Dawson you're early?" said Joey fearful of what could happen next.

Dawson and Pacey locked eyes, "I thought it was unfair that I'd be the last person in Capeside to see Pacey again, after all he was my best friend first." It was as if the past hadn't mattered. Dawson went straight up to Pacey and hugged him. "No matter what people think or tell you Pacey, I never wanted this for you nor for us."

Pacey pulled back then said quite harshly and coldly, "Dawson...no I believe you but somehow you got Joey and my son without much effort. But I suppose I'll always be in your debt for raising my son and giving Joey stability and love."

"We've all made mistakes Pacey, mistakes that we regret. My mistake was not letting go of what wasn't mine. I admit I enjoyed the spoils but I never had her heart. In your absence I lived with your ghost and in your shadow. All this could've been avoided if I hadn't been so selfish, if I had been more a man than a selfish child. I'm sorry Pacey," said Dawson.

The memories started to come, so did the feelings that had been suppressed for so many years and all Pacey could do was cry. He just sat on the kitchen stool and started to sob. There had been so much that he broke down. He just couldn't have this discussion right now. He had just remembered. He had recalled on of the most painful moments of his life. He had been apologised to by one of the two people who had been responsible for where he was at the moment. The anger, the desperation and the sadness was all consuming. He felt light-headed. "I don't know. I just can't deal with all of this. I need time. I should never have come," he got up to leave when suddenly he let out a blood-curdling scream, "...arrhghghghg," as he fell to the floor. Dawson and Joey went to his side, trying to help him. But Andie came running in as she pushed the scorned lovers aside, "Pacey can you hear me...look at me!" Pacey was writhing in pain and he wasn't aware of anything. Andie went into doctor mode, checking his vitals. Her face paled, "Jen call the ambulance now!"

Joey and Dawson stood dumbfounded. They didn't know what was happening.

"Jen get a blanket," Andie asked Jen totally ignoring the other two, then she turned to Pacey trying to remove his hands from his head, "Pacey try to focus on your breathing...in and out, in and out." But it was all in vain. Tears were streaming from his eyes as the pain intensified.

"An..an..die...it hurts...make it st...op!" pleaded Pacey. The most important women of his life watched him in pain and they were helpless. Suddenly the sirens came into earshot as Pacey's body went limp. Andie frantically check his pulse..oh god, oh god.

"Pacey no...keep breathing Pacey, don't give up!" she yelled as she started CPR. Jen brought in the EMTs. They perused the scene and immediately took over. The three women stood back and watched the boy that had all fallen in love with at one stage in their lives, slip through their fingers as they all looked on.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The friends sat stony faced in the waiting room. Andie had followed Pacey into the ER. Time passed slowly. In the mean time Hank had arrived as had, Doug and Jack. Jen had told them the truth that Pacey had been hiding. They were shocked and bewildered.

"Why didn't he tell us? Why did he keep it from us Jen?" asked Doug.

"It wasn't relevant to what he wanted. He wanted to meet his family and friends, that's all. He wanted to know the truth of his past. The eventuality of what could happen wasn't important," said Jen trying to rationalise Pacey's risk taking.

"But it's so Pacey isn't it? His needs always coming last. Any word?" asked Jack.

"No nothing yet...Andie is still in there. She promised when she found out something she'd come out and tell us," said Jen. Joey hadn't said a word since the event. She sat in the chair staring whilst Dawson held her hand. The words that Pacey had yelled at her still burning in her mind. It was her fault, all of it. The choice she made for friendship and memories over love and happiness. She didn't deserve him. He had achieved so much and she had floundered. The only thing she could be proud of was _her_ Pacey, the son she shared with him. Jen sat next to her. She saw Joey withdrawing, losing herself in the words Pacey had uttered. She slowly reached for Joey's hand and held it, "It had to happen this way. The truth had to come out Joey. Don't lose hope. It isn't over."

Just at that very moment, Andie emerged. The rest all rose to greet her and Doug went forward, "How is he?"

"This episode was severe. It has caused more damage than the doctors would've like. But for now he's sleeping. They'll know more tomorrow when the swelling subsides," said Andie and then she just stood there as she saw the others leave. She was staying, she was waiting. Joey, Dawson and Jen held back as Jen needed to speak Andie.

"Andie...the truth," Jen's eyes burrowed into Andie's eyes as Joey and Dawson looked on. She confirmed what Jen suspected.

"There's too much damage...a couple of days at most barring any more bombshells," said Andie.

Shock overcame the need to cry, "I'll need to call Lawrence," said Jen catatonically.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The morning brought nothing...no hope no respite from the train wreck that had been this week. Sadness lingered in the air as Jen tried to eat some cereal when she heard the doorbell ring...8 am who could it be? She walked to the door and gasped in surprise when she saw Lawrence and his P.A Peter. She didn't waste any time and flung herself into his arms, "Oh Lawrence...oh I'm so sorry. If I hadn't been so selfish, if I hadn't begged him to come...it's all my fault."

Lawrence returned her embrace and placed a fatherly kiss on her head, "Oh Jennifer...this whole mess is no one's fault just life, my dear. The choices we make have repercussions. We don't know what they are so we do the best we can. Have faith Jen...remember he was always on borrowed time."

She let go and said, "Please come in...Oh I'm sorry you must be Peter...please come in. Would you like tea, coffee, some breakfast?"

Lawrence replied , "We'd love some. "

"Yes thank you Jennifer. That's very kind of you," added Peter. The two men sat at the kitchen table, while Jen put out some breakfast fare.

"So how is he?" asked Lawrence. Jen stopped and looked at the both and paused.

"Not more than a couple of days..." and her voice broke. "He was taken away 15 years ago, he returns for a fleeting moment, enough to tease us with his presence and then he is taken away again. Tell me Lawrence why? Why is this happening?"

Lawrence couldn't answer. He was still processing the fact that he had a few days left with the man who he thought would take over his empire. Jen went over to Lawrence all of a sudden realising that she wasn't the only one affected, "Oh I'm so sorry Lawrence."

Peter looked at Lawrence who was lost in thought, "He changed my life Jennifer. He became the son I never had. I won't let him go without a fight. I'm arranging him to be transferred to The Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. I've spoken to the Professor of Neurology and forwarded Tom's files. I'm sorry to take him away but the Professor seems to think Tom make it through this. They have new and ground breaking techniques."

"It's true Jennifer...it'll be the chance Tom deserves," said Peter.

"I knew you'd find a way, a way of saving him. When will they transfer him?" asked Jen.

"Later today," answered Lawrence, "Peter and I will travel with him."

xxxxxxxxxx

Th morning had been a welcome sight as the night had seemed endless. Joey was sitting outside drinking her tea as Dawson shuffled outside, "Hey? Rough night?"

Joey looked up lovingly, "You could say that. Sorry if I woke you...I just couldn't sleep. I just kept hearing Pacey's words in my head over and over."

Dawson sighed. What a mess! There were so many victims in this story, everyone was willing to take the blame but in truth, the blame was no one's. "Remember Joey, Pacey doesn't remember everything. He's recalling it in bits and pieces and trying to make sense of it all. Don't take what says to heart and what happen to Pacey, he was aware of the danger. All this is cruel and stupid, nobody deserves this, but it's happening and unfolding before our eyes. We will do what we can and deal with it."

"Dawson, you're right...I know, but for him to come back in our lives it just made me think of how much he has been missed, what a void he left...what I lost," whispered Joey knowing that everytime she was honest about her feelings about Pacey, she'd be hurting Dawson.

"I know Joey. I've missed him too...and I know how much you have, and that deep down you still love him. I can't change that but I've learnt to accept that. That's why it's been so easy to love his son as my own," confessed Dawson.

Joey's eyes started to well up, "Thank you...I need to go and see him."

Dawson placed his hand on hers, "We all do. It's time we told Pacey."

xxxxxxxxxx

Andie hadn't left the hospital opting to use the doctor's lounge and get some shut eye when Doctor Chan woke her, "Dr McPhee, he's awake if you want to see him."

Andie shook herself awake, "Oh thank you Dr Chan."

Dr Chan smiled and headed for the door not before she turned and said, "Oh and by the way, Mr Roberts is being transferred this afternoon. He must have friends in high places to go the the Rehabilitation Institute."

Andie was surprised...money and connections Pacey had truly done well. Anyway he was awake and she was going to see him, to see for herself how he was faring. She pulled back her hair. She really needed a shower and adjusted her blouse and headed for the ICU. She gently pushed the door open and there he was, gorgeous and vulnerable as ever. Pacey did vulnerable very well. He was staring at he TV when he heard the squeaking of the door. He turned his head very gingerly and flashed his hypnotising smile, "Hey!" he whispered.

Andie was so relieved for so many reasons, "Hey to you too! You gave us a real scare yesterday. How are you feeling?" she asked whilst she grabbed his hand and sat next to him.

"Like I've been hit by a bus, but ok I suppose. What's the prognosis and don't lie Dr McPhee?" slurred Pacey

"Not good...they can't do anything here. But it seems you have a guardian angel. You're being transferred to the best hospital in the US for brain injuries Pacey this afternoon," said Andie.

"It's that bad, I'm going to die?" asked Pacey stoically.

"Yeah...but this hospital in Chicago...they make miracles Pacey.." she said.

"It's fine Andie, whatever happens happens...I was cruel to Joey... I seem to remember certain things and not others. I don't know the whole truth and I said those horrible things to her. I need to make it better before it's too late," said Pacey struggling for breath and Andie knew exactly how he felt.

"They'll be here later Pace and I'll make sure you get a chance to explain..." said Andie as she heard a knock on the door. She turned her head to see an old and distinguished man followed by another man.

"Hello may I come in?" he asked.

Pacey's eyes lit up and a bright but tired smile found its way on his face, "Lawrence? Peter?"

"Oh my son what mess have you got yourself in?"said Lawrence who walked over to Pacey and gave him a fatherly embrace.

"Hello Tom...what are we going to do with you?" said Tom shaking Pacey's hand.

"Sorry...I honestly thought I could get through this without any of this happening...I didn't want all this fuss...I didn't want it to end there like this," whimpered Pacey.

Andie stood in the background elbow resting on her hand, biting her nails and fighting back her tears.

Lawrence sat down and softly spoke, "Pacey you've reached your goal. You remembered things, you met your family and friends and you've discovered that we all have skeletons in our cupboard. You knew this situation was a possibility...you knew that Pacey."

"Lawrence I'm going to die!" said Pacey desperately, "and I don't want to."

"You're not going to die...I won't let that happen. You just don't understand how much you mean to me, Tom. You've become the son I never had, you have challenged me to better myself and you've kept ME going when I could've easily have given up. You have been my saviour, Tom and I will move heaven and earth to help you," said Lawrence. Pacey's eyes welled up.

"Tom, we've arranged a transfer for you to be treated by the best brain neurosurgeon in the US...there is hope. We just need you not to give up," explained Peter.

"Really?" whispered Pacey. Peter nodded with a beaming smile. Then Pacey's eyes drifted to Andie's, "She needs to come with me...Andie needs to be there." This took her by surprise. Suddenly Lawrence and Peter turned to her and she suddenly wanted to shrink into the corner.

"Andie?" asked Peter.

She moved forward holding out her hand, "Dr Andrea McPhee...an old friend of Pacey's."

"And ex-girlfriend as well," said Lawrence smirking noticing a connection between the two.

The two blushed, "I trust her...I need her there," said Pacey.

"OK...Peter and I will go an finish organising the arrangements. See you later son. Oh Dr McPhee would you mind accompanied us and assisting us with the paperwork," said Lawrence slowly getting up with the help of Peter. Andie nodded. She gave Pacey a 'see-you-later' look and left with the gentlemen.

Pacey was left alone with his thoughts. No one could've predicted what had transpired in the last month or so. He felt lost yet he was found. He needed to talk to Joey, he needed to set things right before he wasn't able to. He pulled himself up and lent over to get his phone when he heard the door and with turning he felt her, "Pacey?" she said.

"Joey...come in," he said softly.

She looked at him. He looked tired and pale, but otherwise as handsome as always. How her heart ached for him, to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him how she has mourned for him, but after his outburst she was tentative and a little afraid. She walked over flashing a small apologetic smile. Her hand brushed his and said, "You look better."

"Thanks," he said. Catching his breath he continued, "I need to apologise to you for what I said. It was wrong and unfair."

Joey sat down almost relieved, "There's no need Pacey. You know I thought about what you said and you were completely right. I had your love but I wanted it all. I wan't able to make that decision when I should've been easy, and simple. I messed up...I'm sorry Pacey."

Pacey was taken aback, "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know...it's hard when the memories aren't there Pacey and now we won't get the chance. Time has run out for us...I'm sorry and I'm angry," explained Joey with a slight edge to her voice.

"Joey I believe in miracles and I believe that things happen for a reason. I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I don't remember and I'm sorry I came back. If I had stayed away all this could've been avoided...I've thrown everyone's lives upside down. You've mourned me once, I don't want you to do it again," answered Pacey trying to hide his emotions.

"Let's not do this. I want to focus on the positive.." said Joey but being interrupted by Pacey.

"Positive? You've got to be kidding. There's no positive in this," said Pacey.

"There is...your son!" she answered.

"No, you will not tell him anything. I'm going to die and I will not let you burden him with this Joey," said Pacey agitated.

"I'm his mother and I will do what's best for him. He needs to know the truth before the loose tongues of this town tell him," said Joey and she was right. "Dawson and Pacey are outside, let me call them in."

"No Joey...I can't," he said frantically.

"Yes you can and you owe it to him!" said Joey and before Pacey could say anything she went to the door and motioned for Dawson and Pacey jnr. to enter.

The kid entered following Dawson, "Hey Pacey, you're looking better."

"So everyone's telling me," he said trying to find his voice.

Joey called Pacey jnr. over and stood him next to her. The boy was tall. She smiled at him letting him know that all was good, "Pacey this is your son."

"We've met...hi!" said Pacey trying to find the right words.

"Hi...so the car is yours...the Maserati," said Pacey jnr.

"Yeah. Why don't you sit down and I'll tell you about myself. Things that mum and dad haven't told you," Pacey smiled.

The kid seemed reticent but agreed giving Joey a glance, "Come on Dawson, we'll wait outside we'll let these two talk." Dawson nodded and gave Pacey jnr. a pat on the shoulder.

Pacey jnr. walked around the bed and sat down. Pacey looked at him and he felt so overwhelmed that this handsome boy was his. Suddenly the kid spoke, "Mum filled me in on everything that happened...the accident and all and how you don't remember. It must suck!"

Pacey laughed, "Yeah, it does. Well you know about my past growing up in Capeside, so I'll tell you about what happened after the accident."

The kid nodded and Pacey started telling him about the Captain and everything.

The boy's face lit up, "Wow! That's a hell of a story. So how rich are you?"

"Rich enough kid. I'm honoured to have met you. I know I'm your biological father and that life hasn't given us a chance to be together. But if I do make it through this, I'd love for us to have a relationship...really get to know each other. Maybe you can come and stay with me in New York," said Pacey.

"Mum told me that my dad had died when I was little. I was ok with that because Dawson was around. I have a great relationship with him but I really glad you're alive...not just because your rich," said the kid. Pacey laughed and pulled him in for a hug. "I'll see you later Pacey..is it ok to call you Pacey?"

"Sure kid, see you later," said Pacey. Pacey jnr. left and Dawson entered.

"Hey Pacey," said Dawson.

"Great kid...you've done a fantastic job of raising him, " said Pacey.

"You know Pacey, Joey and Pacey are my life and I'd do anything for them," said Dawson.

"I see that. I didn't come to take that away," said Pacey.

"No, I know. But things will never be the same. Whether you survive this or not, things will never be the same for us," Dawson finished.

"Life is like that. It's organic Dawson, I changes and challenges us. Embrace it," said Pacey.

Dawson nodded his head, "Good luck Pacey...I hope to see you soon. We might go fishing at our old spot." He shook his hand and left.

Alone again Pacey felt tired. His eyes started to close and Andie came in, "Hey sleepy head."

"It's been an intense morning. I'm tired and my head's hurting," slurred Pacey.

"Well visits are over, papers have been organised and we'll get ready to move you in an hour's time. Time to save your life!" said Andie joyfully.

Pacey smiled through his fatigue, "I'm not ready to die...I've got a son to get to know and a new life to begin."

xxxxxxx

The End


End file.
